And sometimes it’s hard to know where to turn, who to turn to, or what to do when we’re overcome with exhaustion, loneliness, confusion, frustration, helplessness…

But please know that you’ve made a smart, mature choice by looking to the Bible for help.

God cares about you, and He knows what you’re struggling with (Hebrews 2:17-18). He wants you to find His messages of hope, strength, and inspiration that will help you move forward in faith.

So let’s explore specific passages of Scripture that are meant to heal our broken spirits. We’ll find encouragement for:

• When you’re worried about the future
• When you’re in difficult situations and dealing with ongoing struggles
• When you feel anxious or overwhelmed
• When you feel stuck or defeated
• When you feel burnt out or fed up
• When you feel lonely or rejected
• When you question your salvation

Disclaimer: Before we dive in, we want to make it clear that this page is not meant to diagnose or treat depression, anxiety, or other serious conditions. If you’re dealing with overwhelming circumstances or think you might suffer from mental illness, please seek a licensed professional for treatment.

Let’s start with a common cause for discouragement—when what’s ahead of us looks difficult, unclear, or confusing.

Promises for the future

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

We don’t know what will happen tomorrow, regardless of how well we try to plan. But whatever the future may hold, God has promised to take care of us and never to leave us.

Having misgivings about the future is common because it makes sense. It’s both unknown and unknowable. And that can make us feel out of control or helpless if we’re in the middle of already-unsure circumstances.

And just to make things more overwhelming, while we’re bombarded with troubling or dramatic news headlines, we’re likely to also see content about “securing our future” or “being prepared” or “beware of the latest scams,” etc. So among all the chaos, there’s also a lot of pressure to get it “right.”

Thankfully, the Bible gives us some wisdom for situations like this.

Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope” (ESV).

This verse comes from a letter the prophet Jeremiah wrote to Jewish exiles in Babylon. He initially had some bad news to deliver: Their exile would be long—70 years to be exact. But both in spite of this and because of this, Jeremiah was also supposed to encourage them to build homes, raise families, and essentially continue with their lives, “that you may be increased there, and not be diminished” (Jeremiah 29:6, NKJV).

Jeremiah also told them to seek “the well-being” of the city they were exiled to, and not to listen to false prophets.

In other words, even while in exile, God had plans for their individual and communal well-being. So Jeremiah prompted them to make the best of a bad situation by creating a supportive community, reflecting His goodness, and trusting that God has everything worked out already.

Then, if His people would keep their eyes on Him, God promised He would restore them to the land and lives they had before.

“Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile” (Jeremiah 29:12-14, ESV).

We sometimes end up in sticky situations where it feels like we’re in some kind of exile, far from what we know and what we want for ourselves.

But God already has all of the plans worked out. While we wait on Him, we can rest in the promise of His plans, even if we don’t know what they are yet. And we can focus on building and nourishing the community around us as a loving expression of thanks to God.

Isaiah 41:10

“Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand’” (NKJV).

When we feel alone in our exile, God reminds us that He’s still with us and will ultimately take care of everything. Whatever strength we need, He’s willing to give us.

Isaiah 41 is about a coming conflict that had the Israelites worried. Verses 5-7 depict people scrambling to prepare for war. But God assures them that He will strengthen them for the difficulty—and their enemies won’t prevail over them.

They didn’t have to scramble around like everyone else. In fact, God even mocks the opposing nations and their gods, calling them “wind and confusion” (verse 29, NKJV).

When chaos or disruptions strike out of nowhere, sometimes it almost feels like we’re supposed to panic and prepare for the worst. That’s often what we see other people do. Most of the world’s examples promote looking to ourselves to get us out of whatever struggle we’re in, so it’s easy to lose sight of God’s promises in the Bible.

But God wants us to have confidence in Him when we can’t have confidence in anyone or anything else. It’s His desire to help us, strengthen us, and point us in the right direction. He’s chosen us, so He’s not about to let us go.

How He helps each of us will look different. But whatever He decides to do, we can pray for confidence in His ability to handle the situation completely.

John 16:33

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world” (John 16:33, NKJV).

When we have confidence in Christ and His plans, it opens ourselves up to a new kind of peace.

In John 16, Jesus had just finished telling His disciples what events were about to transpire. But even though He was leaving them, they would have the Holy Spirit to stay in touch with Him and continue to grow in their faith.

Jesus made it clear that life would be hard at times, and they would feel rejection and persecution. Yet despite the difficulties, He gives a kind of peace that’s beyond comprehension (John 14:27) and a joy that can’t be snatched away (John 16:22).

When Jesus said He had overcome the world, He overcame the power of sin, death, and even the devil (Hebrews 2:14; 1 John 3:8).

He didn’t escape hardship. In fact, during Jesus’ time among us, He experienced the worst this world had to offer!

It may seem contradictory to expect a life with difficulty and unthinkable peace. But because Jesus endured without failing His mission, He is able to help us overcome whatever tries to tempt us away from Him. He can empathize with us like no other (Hebrews 4:15).

It’s easy to slip when we’re under pressure. But God is able to get us through our pain victoriously, not as victims. He sent the Holy Spirit to help us and to intercede on our behalf (Romans 8:26).

Other verses to study: Matthew 6:24-34; Revelation 21:4-5

Encouragement for difficult situations and ongoing struggles

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Sometimes it feels like trying situations drag on and on. It can be discouraging that no matter what we do, no matter how much we pray or try to change, nothing seems to happen.

But the Bible reminds us that God is patient (2 Peter 3:8), His timing is perfect (Ecclesiastes 3:11), and He has His eye on everything (Ephesians 4:6), even the things that seem like they aren’t changing.

In these kinds of difficult situations, we can find encouragement in the following verses.

Psalm 34:17-19

“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is near the brokenhearted; He saves those crushed in spirit. One who is righteous has many adversities, but the Lord rescues him from them all” (Psalm 34:17-19, CSB).

Our challenges can sometimes feel like they’ll never end, or that they’ll keep coming back. But God promises to be by our side, ready to comfort us in our discouragement.

Psalm 34 reflects on God’s care for His people—hearing their cries, understanding their despair, and promising to get them through the affliction they’re facing.

It starts with what seems to be an answer to prayer (verses 1-7) and then reflects on God’s care for those dealing with “troubles” and “afflictions” and how He is able to save those who trust in Him (verses 8-22).¹

This psalm is attributed to when David pretended to be insane to escape Abimelech (also called Achish in 1 Samuel 21:10-15). What David didn’t realize at that moment was that he didn’t have to pretend to be something he wasn’t in order to escape trouble. Instead, God invites us to trust Him for deliverance when the time is right (1 Corinthians 10:13).

But what happens if time takes longer than we would like? What if the affliction doesn’t go away any time soon? What if we’re still hurting?

Philippians 4:13

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13, NKJV).

Whether things are going well or going poorly, we can rely on God to strengthen us for whatever we encounter. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, He’s with us, giving us what we need.

Paul learned to be content in both difficult and easygoing situations because he learned to navigate them with God instead of on his own.

He learned how to recognize God’s provision whether he was in abundance or need, strength or weakness, certainty or uncertainty. And he assured those he visited that God would do the same for them.

“And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19, CSB).

The strength of Jesus is what gets us where we need to be—not our own strength. And He sticks with us no matter what’s happening in our lives.

Times of prolonged need or stagnation can tempt us to grow bitter and anxious. On the other hand, ease and prosperity can tempt us to grow indifferent, or even prideful. Either way, there’s a risk of relying on ourselves or others instead of God to fulfill our needs. And doing so can just increase our stress or disappointment when they are unable or unwilling to come through for us.

We can learn from Paul that no matter what is happening around us, or even when we’re tired of nothing happening at all, we can be content knowing that God sees the big picture in ways we can’t, and He gives us strength to endure the season we’re in.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.’ Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and in difficulties, for the sake of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, CSB).

Strength in weakness? Taking pleasure in difficulties? It all sounds backwards. But when God is the center of our lives, He becomes our compass and points us in the right direction.

Even so, however, none of us relish the idea of having a constant weakness. But God can use our weaknesses for His strength to come through in ways we don’t always expect.

In his second letter to the church in Corinth, Paul mentioned that he was dealing with “a thorn in the flesh” (v. 7, CSB). He begged God to take it away, but instead of removing it, God told Paul His strength would make up for Paul’s weakness.

We’re never told what the “thorn” was, exactly. It may have involved things that were highly personal for Paul. But in a way, that makes it easier to apply this passage to any physical, mental, or spiritual struggle.

When we’re in the trenches of a battle that seems endless, we can ask God to help us focus on Him all the more, since that’s where our strength comes from. And then, like Paul, we can smile at difficulties because we’ll know that God has other plans.

There’s a day coming when pain, death, and grief will be done away with forever (Revelation 21:4). Until then, God promises that His strength will make up for any weaknesses we have.

Other verses to study: Psalm 30:4-5; Psalm 126:5; Matthew 5:4; 2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 16-18

When you’re anxious or overwhelmed

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Life, and everything it entails, can just be a lot.

Here’s some Scriptural wisdom and inspiration that can speak to our hearts even when our burdens feel too big to carry.

Joshua 1:9

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9, NKJV).

These words came to Joshua from God Himself. Moses had just passed away, and Joshua was now faced with the enormous task of leading an entire nation—one that had already proved to be tough to govern—into the Promised Land. We can bet Joshua was nervous because God tells him to be brave three times (Joshua 1:1-9)!

Facing a new chapter in our lives can be intense, and we don’t always feel ready for it. Sometimes we feel completely unprepared for whatever new responsibility gets dropped on us.

Have you ever been promoted but second-guessed yourself? Or wrestled with doubts and fears when becoming a parent? Have you ever questioned God’s wisdom when you sensed Him leading you into something new? You’re in good company if you have.

God promised Joshua that it would be ok because He would be the one who was really in charge. God had led Joshua to this point, so He would see to it that he succeeded.

We can remember God’s words to Joshua when we are faced with challenges we don’t expect or don’t feel ready for.

Psalm 27:14

“Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!” (Psalm 27:14, NKJV)

Psalm 27 is a surprisingly cheerful psalm considering the circumstances. While the Bible doesn’t say when David wrote it, its content suggests he was hunted down by his enemies, likely couldn’t access a place of worship, was separated from his parents, and endured cruel words.² It’s also clear he dealt with grief and physical distress.

David admits he would have been overwhelmed had he not trusted that he would see God’s goodness. With that in mind, he finishes the psalm by telling us to take courage and wait on God (verses 13-14).

But the “waiting” David mentions here isn’t passive. Psalm 27 shows that David sought the Lord through prayer and worship. He pleaded for wisdom and guidance.

By writing this psalm, David also reminded himself of God’s character, His faithfulness, and His power to save.

Like David, we can actively wait on God by praying to Him and pleading for His strength to carry us through. When we pray, we can receive the peace that comes with the promise of God’s faithfulness to “strengthen our hearts.”

John 14:27

“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:27, NKJV).

Just before His crucifixion, Jesus told His disciples He would give them the Holy Spirit to teach them what they would need to know and remind them of everything He’d said.

Even though He would be physically separated from His disciples, Christ said that He was leaving the gift of peace. It would be unlike anything the world could ever offer. In fact, Paul calls this the “peace that surpasses all understanding” (Philippians 4:7, NKJV). It’s a kind of peacefulness that doesn’t make sense because it’s often experienced amid danger and difficulty. That’s because it comes from God, regardless of our circumstances.

The disciples would experience the loss of Jesus’s physical presence. They would endure being rejected and punished for loving Jesus and sharing their faith in Him. They would encounter deceivers and false teachings designed to confuse people and turn them away from God. And they would experience the strong emotions that come with all of this.

Jesus wanted them to know they could have strength, commitment, and even joy and rest amid these difficulties. The peace He gave them through His Holy Spirit would strengthen them and reassure them of His presence.

And He gives this same gift to all of us who accept it.

Other verses to study: Deuteronomy 31:6; Psalm 34:4; Psalm 56:3-4; 1 Peter 5:6-10

When you feel stuck or defeated

Even with Jesus, life doesn’t let up. Sometimes all the struggles and disappointments make it feel like nothing is ever going to get resolved.

In times like these, it’s helpful to remember that God knows what’s going on. He sees the big picture. So whatever is happening to us, we can know that God is more powerful, and nothing can stop Him from carrying out His loving plans for us.

Easier said than done when you’re in the middle of a crisis, but these next verses can help.

Philippians 1:6

“And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6, ESV).

The Bible calls Jesus the “author and finisher of our faith” (Hebrews 12:2, NKJV). He’s like a writer who knows our faith journey and intends to finish the story. There’s no way He’d give up on any of us.

The apostle Paul remembers when the Philippian Christians first accepted the Gospel and said that he had confidence that they’d finish as well as they started. We could say this confidence is from the fact that God works in His people so their desires and actions line up with His (Philippians 2:12-13).

It may sometimes feel like we’re always falling short or missing the mark. Or it may feel like we’re making zero progress. But we can have confidence in God’s promise to finish what He started.

2 Corinthians 5:17

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new” (2 Corinthians 5:17, NKJV).

In light of the “ministry of reconciliation,” Paul explains that Jesus gives us a new identity—and a new start—when we are reconciled with Him.

Reconciliation means restoring a relationship after a falling out.³ Our falling out happened back in Eden. So being reconciled means that our faults and imperfections don’t have to stand in between us and God (verse 19). Instead, we’re set free from our old life that would lead to nowhere, and we now have a life that involves God, so we know that no matter what, we will be saved, and the life we live now includes the guidance of the Holy Spirit. This is all because Jesus Christ “that we might become the righteousness of God in Him” (verses, NKJV).

This means Jesus can turn us around. He can take who we are and clean us up, refine us, and craft a character that is in harmony with His character and law of love.

When we realize Christ’s salvation makes us a new and improved person, it can be easier to swap out our old habits and worries in favor of a new direction in life. Our past difficulties don’t have to define us!

1 John 2:1

“My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous” (1 John 2:1, ESV).

When we make mistakes or bad decisions, He doesn’t leave us to drown in despair. 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (NKJV). If we’re honest with God and go to Him, He not only forgives us, but He also makes it possible to experience a genuine, lasting change of heart.

Jesus stands between us and the devil’s accusations, like how He stepped in between the woman caught in adultery and the religious leaders who condemned her. And like He encouraged her,

He assures us of His forgiveness and encourages us to pick up where we left off (John 8:1-11).

Other verses to study: Psalm 37:23-24; Proverbs 24:16; Micah 7:8-9; John 8:36; Romans 8:1-4; Galatians 5:1; Philippians 3:13-14

When we’re burnt out or fed up

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Note: If you’re experiencing physical and mental symptoms of burnout that are interfering with your ability to function at work and home, we encourage you to reach out to someone you trust, or to seek a licensed professional if your physical and mental health are affected.

Perseverance and endurance are qualities God desires us to develop. But “endurance” doesn’t mean continually wrecking our health for the sake of a goal.

There are times when God leads us to push our limits, and He gives us the strength to do so.

But there are also times when our bodies and minds can only take so much. And God is there for us, even when we feel like we can’t go any further.

Burnout and exhaustion can have external and internal causes and they can wreak havoc on the mind and body. What’s more, sometimes mental fatigue is harder to recognize than physical fatigue, and we might continue to push ourselves to dangerous limits because the risks of doing so aren’t as apparent.

The Bible is one resource we can turn to when we run out of steam and need encouragement to continue on.

Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30, NKJV).

This is an invitation to find spiritual rest through a relationship with Jesus. Jesus told His listeners no one can personally know the Father except Himself and those to whom He reveals Himself (verse 27; John 14:6-9).

That’s why many things were hidden from those who considered themselves to be more righteous than others.

He then invites His listeners to approach Him and find satisfaction working alongside Him.

For the people of Jesus’s day, religion “had degenerated into a meaningless round of ‘labour’ in an attempt to find salvation by works.”⁴

Laboring in vain still happens today. The world bombards us with messages about how to live and all that we need to do to achieve its impossibly high standards. As a result, we exhaust ourselves and sometimes make decisions we later regret.

A “yoke” was a type of harness that linked two oxen together to carry heavy loads⁵ and it represents a relationship of training, or discipleship. When we become Christ’s followers, we learn how to live and act like Him. Our characters change to be a unique reflection of His as we get to know Him through His Word, serving others, and living out our faith.

Rather than dumping a load on us and leaving us alone with it, Jesus not only helps us carry it, but He also carries the most weight.

Matthew 11 is about the revelation of who God is through Christ. Jesus reaffirms His Messianic identity as a healer. He commends John the Baptist, confirming his role as a messenger sent to prepare God’s people for the revelation of the Messiah. He then condemns some cities for their rejection despite receiving revelations, and thanks God the Father that those who have accepted the revelations are not the proud religious leaders, but to those with a simple, childlike faith.

If you’ve been feeling worn out and bogged down, sometimes refocusing can help. Overthinking is so tempting, and it often leaves us feeling worse. But shifting toward a simple faith, focusing on stepping forward rather than analyzing where we’ve been, can sometimes make all the difference in the world.

Galatians 6:9

“Let us not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up” (Galatians 6:9, CSB).

When we’re worn out, often the last thing we want to hear is, “Don’t give up!” or “Just keep at it!” And while it looks like that’s exactly what this verse is saying (because it is), it’s also saying that there’s an optimal time for us to “reap” what we’ve “sown.” God will make things right, and we’ve already read plenty about how He promises to give us the strength we need.

In the last chapter of Galatians, Paul tells the believers to share each other’s burdens and to examine their own works. They were supposed to encourage one another to do what’s right, support one another, and look for opportunities to serve and uplift others (verses 1-10).

“Doing good” can mean many things, ranging from going overseas as a missionary to simply being kind and courteous to the grumpy clerk at the convenience store.

And if we find ourselves getting tired of following God’s principles, then it’s a good time to step back, spend time with God, and find out why.

But even when we’re in the middle of an exhausting situation, we can remember that if God is asking us not to give up, that also means He’ll give us the resolve we need to keep going.

Isaiah 40:31

“But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31, NKJV).

Faith in Christ and leaning into His will can unlock new levels in ourselves that we didn’t know were there. And they wouldn’t be there if not for Him.

Isaiah 40 gives a series of questions and declarations. Toward the end, the writer says that God never tires out and He strengthens the weak and powerless. Those who wait on God, or who put their trust in Him, will find strength to move forward with whatever they’re facing.

Faith is the key that unlocks everything God has to offer.

None of these verses are meant to encourage us to exhaust ourselves. Rather, they’re meant to remind us that God can provide the strength and endurance we need for whatever He’s called us to do.

Other verses to study: Psalm 130:5-6

When we feel lonely or rejected

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Loneliness and rejection are an extra bitter flavor of sadness, especially if we’ve put ourselves on the line and made ourselves vulnerable. And it can make it hard to ever want to do that again.

Again, we can remember that Jesus Himself felt lonely and rejected at times during His human life, to the point where He asked God the Father, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” (Matthew 27:46, ESV).

These feelings are nothing to take lightly, and partnering with Jesus can lead to victory over them.

Romans 8:38-39

“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39, ESV).

Paul is saying here that “no power in heaven or earth, in time or in eternity, can separate us from the divine love… nothing can pluck us out of Christ’s arms against our will.”⁶

Romans 8 opens with the assurance that those who belong to Jesus are not under condemnation. They’re free to live a new life, knowing that they belong to Him, not to the world. They’re free to listen to the Holy Spirit instead of all the other noise of life that pulls in so many different directions. And they can go through challenges because God stands with them as their mediator and He redeems their experiences—including the bad parts—so they reflect Jesus more and more.

We live in a world where human love is as consistent as the weather. But no one is too flawed for God’s transformative love.

His love transcends any of the conditions that often affect human love. It can’t be erased or cut off. Nothing in existence could cause Him to stop loving any one of us, and nothing can wear out His affection.

Hebrews 13:5-6

“Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for He has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ So we can confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?’” (Hebrews 13:5-6, ESV, emphasis added).

The more we get to know God, the more we see the rest of our corrupted world for what it really is. But we also become more attuned to the good things that often get overshadowed. So the promise that God is always with us and actively being our “helper” can lead us to a level of contentedness nothing else can provide.

Sacrifice and service are two cornerstones of discipleship. In the surrounding verses of Hebrews 13, Paul lists different ways to spread His love, like being hospitable, empathetic, and embracing others as part of the same family.

Contentedness follows this perspective shift, and God, our helper, will guide us into it. These verses encourage us not to be discouraged by what we don’t have, or to give into fears that come from other people. Instead, because God refuses to abandon us, we can navigate this life with peace and courage.

Because of the nature of humanity, people will let us down. So it’s easy to go about our lives resenting others for what they have or what they’ve done. God can set us free from this and bring us into healthy relationships—with Him and with others.

Ephesians 1:3-5

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us for adoption to Himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will” (Ephesians 1:3-5, ESV, emphasis added).

Imagine being wanted even before you existed.

Every single one of us—no exceptions—is a fully intentional creation of God (Psalm 139:16).

Paul greets the Ephesian Christians by declaring that God chose them long before the world was created and His plans for them involved being part of His family. He then goes on with other spiritual blessings Christians have been given: acceptance, redemption, forgiveness, a destiny, security, an inheritance, etc. (verses 5-13).

When we declare Jesus as Lord, we are also identifying as children of God. One strong source of encouragement is found in our identity in Christ.

Other verses to study: Psalm 27:10; Psalm 68:5-6; Psalm 139:1-5; Isaiah 49:15-16; Isaiah 54:4-6

When we have spiritual discouragement about salvation

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It can be one of the most despair-filled experiences to doubt our salvation. It can feel suffocating, often accompanied by self-loathing and shame. Sometimes there’s a gnawing fear that you’re not going to “make it,” and it can fester in the back of your mind.

But God wants us to live in the peace of assurance and to be free from this mental burden, and our freedom lies in the sacrifice of Jesus. All we have to do is accept the gift.

The following verses are a great reminder of Jesus’ sacrifice for us.

John 3:16-17

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved” (John 3:16-17, NKJV).

A respected Pharisee named Nicodemus came to Jesus at night to talk with Him. Like so many others, he had waited for the Messiah to come and bring forth God’s kingdom.

Jesus went straight to the heart of the matter: the kingdom of God required an experience called being “born again.”

Being born again is the ultimate new start. God works in our hearts so that we desire to do His will and live accordingly, different from our former lives (Philippians 2:12-13). It’s like the process of metamorphosis when a caterpillar transforms into a butterfly.

Being born again means trusting our salvation with a God who was willing to give everything up to give us eternal life. Because God loves this world despite its horrors and brokenness. He loves us.

Anyone who craves this type of love doesn’t have to worry about being accepted. God eagerly embraces all who come to Him (John 6:37; Hebrews 7:25)!

It wouldn’t have made sense for Jesus to pay such a high price for our salvation if He was going to make it difficult for us to receive. It’s His highest desire to save us.

Romans 5:9-10

“How much more then, since we have now been justified by His blood, will we be saved through Him from wrath. For if, while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, then how much more, having been reconciled, will we be saved by His life” (Romans 5:9-10, CSB).

Romans 5 tells us what the grace of God has accomplished for us.

In the previous verses, Paul reminds his readers that they have access to God’s grace because they’ve been saved by faith. He also says they can experience joy and hope even when they suffer—a kind of hope that doesn’t disappoint because of God’s love (verses 1-5).

Paul explains how the ultimate expression of God’s love was demonstrated when Christ willingly and painfully died even for those who vehemently opposed Him (verses 6-8).

His sacrifice secured our reconnection with God, and now His work as our Mediator keeps that connection alive.

Nothing you do can make God love you more or less. He’s already poured it out on us by giving His life for us. And if His love is strong enough to save us, then it’s definitely strong enough to keep us saved!

Other verses to study: Psalm 34:22; John 10:27-29; Hebrews 7:25; 1 John 3:19-21; 4:17-18; Jude 24-25

Ephesians 2:8-10

“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (Ephesians 2:8-10, ESV).

The good works that we’re supposed to do are meant to be the outflow of God’s grace working in our hearts. They are an expression of what we believe and our love for the One in whom we believe—Jesus.

Ellen G. White, co-founder of the Adventist Church, reflects on this:

“If our salvation depended on our own efforts, we could not be saved; but it depends on the One who is behind all the promises. Our grasp on Him may seem feeble, but His love is that of an elder brother; so long as we maintain our union with Him, no one can pluck us out of His hand.”⁷

Thank God that we don’t have to achieve our own salvation. We would fail every time. Jesus took that burden upon Himself and bought our salvation at the price of His life, and our lives can be an expression of gratitude.

Tips for when we’re feeling down

Along with studying God’s promises in His Word, we can also apply them.

You may have heard phrases tossed around like, “Give God your burdens” or “Cling to Jesus!”

Even the Bible says to “Cast your burden on the Lord” (Psalm 55:22, NKJV).

But what does that really mean? How do we do this when we’re dealing with intangible troubles?

Let’s look at some simple things we can try to get us started.

Focus on God first

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” (Matthew 6:33, NKJV).

What we focus on can determine the quality of our lives (Proverbs 11:27). This verse in Matthew doesn’t say focus on God only and ignore everything and everyone else. It says focus on God first. Everything else can then fall into place.

When we place our focus on God first and foremost, He will supply all of the strength, wisdom, and resources we need to balance taking care of others, ourselves, and our responsibilities.

Pray

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“Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7, CSB).

Prayer allows us to process our thoughts and feelings while we’re in the presence of God with intention. We’re free to hold nothing back. God isn’t hindered by the human limits we’re so reflexively familiar with—so He will never pull away to recharge, He’ll never need a break, and He’ll never feel like our stuff is “too much.”

Not only does He know what’s going on inside us, He knows why. He sees all, so He sees what’s affecting us—including everything we don’t see.

Praying can also help us recognize and challenge thought patterns that feed our discouragement. That’s a big part of what “taking our thoughts captive” means (2 Corinthians 10:5).

And we can pray any way we want to. Locked away in a private, silent area, out loud while we’re driving, in our heads while amid chaos, journaling, singing, dancing, whispering, right when we wake up, over lunch, or while we’re having our morning beverage.

Engaging in prayer doesn’t always mean that our feelings or circumstances will immediately change. It’s sometimes a long battle before we get to the breakthrough. But we can battle knowing that God has already won the war, He will never leave our side, and He’ll see to it that we get where we need to go.

Prayer is where we can find our peace.

Worship

“Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe” (Hebrews 12:28, ESV).

After Jesus was baptized, the Holy Spirit led Him into the wilderness to fortify His faith. While there, the devil tempted Jesus in all sorts of ways, and every time, Jesus responded to the devil’s lies with the truth of Scripture (Matthews 4:1-11).

When you’re feeling discouraged and your mind is flooded with everything that’s going wrong, you can turn to worship like Jesus did. He said to Satan, “‘You shall worship the Lord your God and Him only shall you serve” (Matthew 4:10, ESV). After that, Satan left Him.

When you’re discouraged, you can worship God in so many different ways. It’s all about intent—acknowledging His power, His benevolence, His wisdom, etc. We can worship Him by reading Psalms (Psalm 99 is great), singing, attending a church service, doing an art project, writing a poem, marveling at nature…whether we can hike a trail or just admire two potted plants on a tiny porch. Worship happens when we actually do stop and smell the roses and appreciate the little things God sustains even amid our corrupted world (Romans 1:20, Psalm 19:1; 95:1-2; 100:1-2).

It can indeed be encouraging to praise God for who He is!

Cultivate gratitude as we look for the good

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“In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18, NKJV).

Giving thanks is more than counting our blessings or thinking positive. And it does not require dismissing the negative.

Being grateful means you’re actively looking for glimmers of hope in seemingly hopeless situations. You’re choosing to thank God for the good you can see, and asking Him to reveal the good you can’t see.

This can be so hard when all we see around us is anger, destruction, conflict, tragedy, etc. The devil is an expert at displaying humanity’s worst on center stage. But the renowned and adored

Fred Rogers of yesteryear’s PBS kids programming reminds us of what we can look for and what we can do, in a quote that now peppers inspiration boards everywhere.

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things on the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ … To this day, especially in times of disaster, I remember my mother’s words and I’m always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers—so many caring people in this world.”⁸

(And even if we can’t always see the helpers in the moment, we can know that God is constantly sending people where they’re needed.)

It’s important to note that the verse above says to give thanks in everything, not for everything. We’re not being asked to thank God for all the awful things that happen to us and to others. But

Paul was telling the Thessalonian Christians, who had been through a lot, the importance of gratitude when we’re reflecting Christ to the world. He was affirming how they kept moving forward despite significant “affliction” (1 Thessalonians 3:1-7).

The Bible says God uses everything for our good so that it brings us closer to Christ (Romans 8:28-29). So we’re not ignoring our pain, but we’re essentially telling it that we trust God, and that we won’t let it ruin our lives.

Reach out to someone you trust

Sometimes we desperately need to hear someone else say we’re going to be okay. Discouragement can grow like mold if we’re isolated. Talking with people we trust can help us gain fresh perspectives.

A trusted person can be a family member, friend, pastor, mentor, doctor, or counselor. And while it may feel awkward asking for help, doing so is a powerful way to grow and heal. It takes courage.

We can remember that Jesus empathizes with us and He knows from personal experience how to navigate the thick fog of discouragement. But it is indeed possible to have joy, strength, and peace despite everything else. And we can always turn to the word of God when we need to be reminded of His promises.

For a next step,

Related Articles

1. NKJV Andrews Study Bible, comment on Psalm 34, p. 696 [↵]
2. Spurgeon, Charles. https://www.blueletterbible.org/Comm/mhc/Psa/Psa_027.cfm?a=505001 [↵]
3. Noah Webster’s 1828 Dictionary, “Reconcile.” [↵]
4. Nichol, F.D., “Matthew.” Seventh-day Adventist Bible Commentary, vol. 5, [↵]
5. NKJV Andrews Study Bible, comments on Matthew 11:29. [↵]
6. Nichol, “Romans.” Seventh-day Adventist Bible Commentary, vol. 6, [↵]
7. White, Ellen G. The Acts of the Apostles, p. 553 [↵]
8. “Fred Rogers Interview, Part 7 of 9,” Foundation Interviews, 6:51 [↵]

More Answers

Prayer and fasting were a central part of the lives of the greatest Bible heroes.¹

Jesus was no different. He fasted and prayed to prepare Himself spiritually, to bless others, and to fuel His relationship with God.

Fasting and prayer can help us do the same!

Let’s see how Jesus’ example of prayer and fasting can help us form a deeper relationship with God.

Follow along as we explain:

• What prayer and fasting are
• Why Jesus practiced these spiritual disciplines
• How Jesus prayed and fasted
• Instances of Jesus praying and fasting
• What Jesus teaches us about these concepts
• How you can apply Jesus’ example to your own life

Let’s start by understanding the context behind prayer and fasting in Bible times.

Understanding Prayer and Fasting

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Prayer is the act of communicating with God, and fasting is the act of abstaining from something (traditionally, food) for a period of time.

Prayer was expressed in a variety of ways: sometimes in groups (Esther 4:16), sometimes alone (Daniel 6:10-13). It was done while standing up, kneeling, and reclining.² It was often done multiple times a day, especially in the morning, noon, and night and before meals.³

These prayers typically centered around praising God, making requests of Him, and praying for the coming of God’s kingdom.⁴

Fasting, like prayer, was also expressed in different ways. Some people fasted from food, some from food and water, while some ate sparingly, and others restricted themselves to simple fare.

In most cases, fasts were short and allowed drinking water.⁵ Because the people of Israel lived in a warmer climate, drinking water was a necessary part of avoiding dehydration.⁶ Scholars also suggest that periods of fasting may have—in most cases—been restricted to daylight hours.⁷ In other words, people would go without eating during the day and would break their fast at night.

Most Jews at this time would also pair their fasting with service to the poor, sometimes giving the food they didn’t eat to those in need.⁸

Fasting was done in response to great need—whether that need was physical or spiritual.⁹ It was done to demonstrate humility (Psalm 69:10); and to ask for God’s deliverance and guidance (Ezra 8:23; Matthew 17:21). It was done for special occasions like the Day of Atonement as well as personal reasons.¹⁰

Overall, fasting helped people focus their attention on God.

This is because it removed the distraction eating could be, and gave them the time they would have spent eating to spend with God, connecting with Him through prayer. It also attuned people’s desire toward God and helped them depend on Him fully for their needs.

Fasting helped them quiet their minds from everyday concerns to hear and follow God’s plan.

This may be why so many people fasted in the Bible in times of spiritual or emotional crises—when they wanted to repent of sin, when they wanted answers to difficult questions or prayers, or as a means of dealing with grief.¹¹

Fasting was their way of handing those problems over to God and asking for His leading.

Bible scholar, Ángel Manuel Rodríguez, phrases it this way:

“In fasting, we place our lives exclusively into the merciful care of God. It expresses a total and absolute commitment, a loving and trusting surrender of our lives to God as the only one who can rescue us from the oppression of sin.”

The practices of fasting and prayer are personal. This is why there were many expressions of prayer and fasting, just as there are today. What stays the same, however, are the timeless principles of prayer and fasting we get from Biblical examples—particularly, Jesus’ example.

First, let’s talk about why Jesus practiced these spiritual disciplines.

Why Jesus prayed and fasted

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Jesus prayed and fasted to get in touch with and form a deeper relationship with His Father, God.

He would pray to:¹²

• Glorify and praise God
• Ask for power to resist temptation and overcome evil
• Thank God for blessings
• Ask for strength to do God’s will

For Him, prayer was about more than asking God to grant His requests. It gave Him the opportunity to grow and maintain His relationship with God.¹³

Relationships aren’t just based on the things you ask the other person for, after all. They’re built on the love and trust you develop after talking to and spending time with each other (Exodus 33:11; Psalm 28:7).

The Bible isn’t as direct in explaining why Jesus fasted. But it’s possible that we can see why Jesus fasted when we look at the results of His fasting—it helped Him resist temptation and cast out demons (Matthew 4:1-11; Matthew 17:21). These things can only be done when empowered by the Holy Spirit, which can only be received by those in an intimate relationship with God.

How Jesus prayed and fasted

The Bible gives us a couple of details regarding how Jesus prayed and fasted.

He:

• Prayed often:¹⁴ Jesus prayed while He was alone, while He was with a crowd, while He ate, while He performed miracles, when He was feeling thankful, and when He was feeling discouraged.
• Prayed earnestly:¹⁵ Jesus prayed with His whole heart. While in the Garden of Gethsemane, He openly expressed His fear and anguish to God. It wasn’t for show—He prayed intensely and earnestly for God’s guidance.
• Set aside time for private prayer:¹⁶ Jesus would get up early or leave crowded areas to get a moment to Himself for prayer. He would go to secluded areas out in nature—typically a mountain.
• Prayed for others:¹⁷ Jesus didn’t just pray for Himself. Much of His time was spent praying on the behalf of others.
• Fasted for connection:¹⁸ Jesus fasted for 40 days before he began his ministry to commit His dependence and will to God.
  Now that we’ve covered the “how” let’s address “when” Jesus fasted and prayed in the New Testament.

Instances when Jesus prayed and fasted

While the Bible might not have recorded every time Jesus Christ prayed and fasted, it does give us a good understanding of how Jesus’ prayers and fasts shaped His ministry:

Jesus fasted and prayed:

• For 40 days in the wilderness (Matthew 4:1-2)
• To cast out demons (Matthew 17:21)

Jesus prayed:

• At His baptism (Luke 3:21)
• Before going to Galilee (Mark 1:35, 36)
• While He was alone (Luke 5:16)
• Before choosing the 12 disciples (Luke 6:12-13)
• Before feeding the 5,000 (John 6:11) and the 4,000 (Matthew 15:36)
• Before walking on water (Matthew 14:23)
• While healing a man who was deaf and mute (Mark 7:31-37)
• Before asking the disciples who he was (Luke 9:18-20)
• At the Transfiguration (Luke 9:28-29)
• After the group of 72 disciples returned successfully (Luke 10:21)
• Before teaching the disciples how to pray (Luke 11:1)
• Before resurrecting Lazarus (John 11:42-44)
• For children (Matthew 19:13-15)
• To glorify God (John 12:27-28)
• At the Lord’s Supper (Matthew 26:26)
• For Peter (Luke 22:31-32)
• Before and during his time in the Garden of Gethsemane (John 17:1-26; Matthew 26:26-46; Luke 22:40-45)
• On the cross (Matthew 27:46; Luke 23:46)
• To bless bread after His ascension (Luke 24:30)
• To bless His disciple’s efforts in spreading the Gospel (Luke 24:50-53)

Let’s zero in on some of the Bible verses listed here.

Fasted for 40 days (Matthew 4:1-2)

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Jesus was called by the Holy Spirit to fast for 40 literal days in the desert.

The story that goes along with His fast suggests that this extreme form of fasting was not an act of piety or a display of supernatural power, but rather, Jesus’ way of placing His trust in God.

Jesus was tempted by Satan to use His own power to save Himself, instead of relying on God, but Jesus refused (Matthew 4:3-11). Each time Satan tempted Him, He professed His faith in God and God’s Word.

While He was in the desert, He was alone, free from distraction, and free to commune in privacy with the Father. And the act of fasting was just one more way He was able to put His cares aside to adopt total faith and reliance on God (Jeremiah 29:13-14; Proverbs 3:5-6).

Though Scripture doesn’t have much to say about Jesus fasting besides this story, we can see how this experience might have shaped Jesus’ ministry and confidence in His relationship with God the Father.

The fact that He did this fast right before He started His ministry offers further evidence that this was an act of spiritual preparation.

Prayed while He was alone (Luke 5:16)

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Jesus spent most of His time helping other people, and yet, there were times when Jesus had to get away from the crowds and spend a private moment in prayer.

One time, when people looking for healing were beginning to crowd Jesus, Jesus withdrew to pray by Himself.

Private prayer offered Jesus a chance to talk to the Father one-on-one and to share His feelings and struggles, as well as ask for strength. In other instances of Jesus’ private prayer, like in the Garden of Gethsemane, we see Him pouring out His heart to God (John 17:1-26; Matthew 26:36-46).

Regular time in private prayer likely gave Jesus the chance to rest from the intense demands of His ministry and experience the refreshing and encouraging presence of the Lord God (Isaiah 40:31).

Prayed before choosing the 12 Disciples (Luke 6:12-13)

Jesus also spent extra time in prayer before setting off on an important mission.

Jesus prayed the night before selecting the men that would become His disciples.

He went to a mountaintop, possibly to find a secluded spot where He could immerse Himself in the peace and privacy of God’s presence.

And He didn’t just spend a couple hours there.

No, He prayed all night long.

It was likely this time that prepared Him for the task of selecting the disciples, ensuring that His will was aligned with God’s in choosing the leaders that would guide the Early Church after Jesus’ ascension.

Prayed before feeding the 5,000 and the 4,000 (John 6:11; Matthew 15:36)

Jesus prayed before feeding the 5,000 and the 4,000.

He had a regular practice of praying before eating (Matthew 26:26; Luke 24:30). This was done to thank God for the food and to ask for God’s blessing that the food might nourish the body.

He did this both for small meals and the miraculous meals of the 5,000 and the 4,000.

Like one might ask and thank a friend for something to eat, Jesus remembered to thank the Father for His provision and care. And it is through Jesus’ relationship with God, that Jesus could ask God to help Him feed a multitude.

Prayed at the Transfiguration (Luke 9:28-29)

Once again, Jesus retreated to a mountaintop to pray. But this time He brought some of His closest disciples—Peter, James, and John—along.

We’ve already talked about mountaintops being an area of seclusion and privacy. But what does it mean that Jesus brought His disciples to pray with Him?

Well, the Bible tells us there’s something special about praying with others.

“Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:19-20, NKJV).

That’s true of a lot of things, isn’t it? People are stronger together than they are apart.

In fact, God never meant any of us to tackle our Christian journey on our own. He asked us to join a group of like-believers, a Church, where we can help, strengthen, and encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

Jesus saw that power in joining others in prayer. And it was this prayer that prepared Jesus to meet Moses and Elijah in the Transfiguration.

Prayed before the resurrection of Lazarus (John 11:42-44)

It was through prayer that Jesus maintained His connection with God.

In developing a deep relationship with the Father, Jesus was able to discern and do His will. He and the Father became of the same mind and purpose.

As He prayed before the resurrection of Lazarus He acknowledged that He understood God’s will in resurrecting Lazarus. He also confessed complete and utter faith in His relationship with God: “Father, I thank You that You have heard Me. And I know that You always hear Me…” (John 11:41-42, NKJV).

Jesus took the example of His parable about having the faith of a mustard seed, and prayed with faith, confident that He could depend on God to answer His prayer in bringing Lazarus back to life (Matthew 17:20-21; Mark 11:24).

Prayed for Peter (Luke 22:31-32)

Jesus didn’t just pray for Himself. He also made a habit of praying for others.

In this case, Jesus prayed for His friend and disciple, Simon Peter, that he might come back to Him even after denying Him three times.¹⁹

In this way, Jesus recognized the power of intercessory prayer to protect and strengthen others (Ephesians 6:18).

Prayed at Gethsemane (John 17:1-26; Matthew 26:36-46, Luke 22:40-45)

It’s worth noting that all Jesus did in response to the knowledge that He would be arrested and crucified was pray.

He again went to an area of seclusion, the Garden of Gethsemane, along with several disciples He had asked to pray with Him.

In this prayer, He submits Himself to God, asking that God’s will be done above His one.

Then He began to sweat blood. This was a physical representation of the spiritual and mental struggle he was going through.

He spoke honestly about His fear, asking God to lead and sustain Him through the painful fate He would experience on the cross.

In times of weakness and doubt, He knew He could find strength in talking to the Father (Psalm 118:14).

But in this prayer, He does more than just pray for Himself about the coming crucifixion. He earnestly prays for His disciples.

And He prays for us. Yes! He prays for all His believers:

“My prayer is not for [My disciples] alone. I pray also for those who will believe in Me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as You are in Me and I am in You. May they also be in Us so that the world may believe that You have sent Me. I have given them the glory that You gave Me, that they may be one as We are one” (John 17: 20-22, NIV).

Even in the face of great suffering and physical and emotional anguish, Jesus has us in mind and lifts us up to His Father. What boundless love!

What Jesus teaches us about prayer and fasting

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Jesus taught that prayer and fasting are about building our relationship with God.
They weren’t about showing off righteousness or performing works to earn God’s favor as the Pharisees believed.

As a matter of fact, Jesus spoke out against those who made a prayer a public display of righteousness:

“And when you pray, you shall not be like the hypocrites. For they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the streets, that they may be seen by men. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward” (Matthew 6:5, NKJV).

Instead, Jesus calls us to pray earnestly and humbly:

“But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly. And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. For they think that they will be heard for their many words. Therefore do not be like them. For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him” (Matthew 6:6-8, NKJV).

The prayer Jesus gives to the disciples is a great example of this.

It’s simple and to the point. And it’s all about being real with God.

It declares the glory of God while being honest about our own human shortcomings, expressing a need and desire to have a Christlike character and to do God’s will:

“Our Father in heaven,
Hallowed be Your name.
Your kingdom come.
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
As forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors.
And do not lead us into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one.
For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen” (Matthew 6:9-13, NKJV).

(To learn more about how awesome and intentional The Lord’s Prayer is, check out our article all about prayer next)

Jesus also cautioned people against making fasting a display of righteousness.

“Moreover, when you fast, do not be like the hypocrites, with a sad countenance. For they disfigure their faces that they may appear to men to be fasting. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward. But you, when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, so that you do not appear to men to be fasting, but to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly” (Matthew 6:16-18, NKJV).

Instead, Jesus calls us to keep fasting a private matter—one between us and God, “But you, when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, so that you do not appear to men to be fasting, but to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly” (Matthew 6:17-18, NKJV).

Now we know how Jesus says to fast and pray, but how do we actually apply this wisdom to our lives?

Let’s talk about that next.

How can we apply Jesus’ example to our lives?

In addition to following Jesus’ counsel on prayer and fasting, we can also do well to follow His example.

Of course, there are some exceptions—particularly concerning His act of fasting for 40 days.

This is because fasting for long intervals of time can be dangerous.²⁰ In fact, medical professionals recommend consulting a doctor before undertaking fasting periods longer than 24 hours.²¹

We know Jesus and Moses fasted for 40 days (Exodus 34:28), but while they were specifically spirit-led and spirit-empowered to do so, it is not something God typically asks of His followers.

He values our health and safety and would be against any practice that could jeopardize our health, such as extreme fasting (1 Corinthians 6:19-20; Matthew 6:31-34). So while we probably don’t want to fast for 40 days like Jesus did, His example does provide us with good principles, most of which we can implement in our own spiritual journey.

Like Jesus, we can make a point to set aside special times for private and communal prayer to deepen our connection with God. We can also pray and fast in earnest, fully believing that God will hear us when we come to Him.

In the end, prayer and fasting are wonderful opportunities to draw closer to God. In the stillness of prayer and fasting, we can slow down and focus on getting to know God and letting Him get to know us. Through these experiences, we can learn to trust and depend on God and embrace His leadership in our lives.

This relationship is the very thing that transforms us into followers of Jesus.

Want to learn more about what prayer can do for you?

Times Jesus Prayed and Fasted:

Jesus fasted:

• For 40 days in the wilderness (Matthew 4:1-2)
• To cast out demons (Matthew 17:21)

Jesus prayed:

• At His baptism (Luke 3:21)
• Before going to Galilee (Mark 1:35-36)
• While He was alone (Luke 5:16)
• Before choosing the 12 disciples (Luke 6:12-13)
• Before feeding the 5,000 (John 6:11) and the 4,000 (Matthew 15:36)
• Before walking on water (Matthew 14:23)
• While healing a man who was deaf and mute (Mark 7:31-37)
• Before asking the disciples who he was (Luke 9:18-20)
• At the Transfiguration (Luke 9:28-29)
• After the group of 72 disciples returned successfully (Luke 10:21)
• Before teaching the disciples how to pray (Luke 11:1)
• Before resurrecting Lazarus (John 11:42-44)
• For children (Matthew 19:13-15)
• To glorify God (John 12:27-28)
• At the Lord’s Supper (Matthew 26:26)
• For Peter (Luke 22:31-32)
• Before and during his time in the Garden of Gethsemane (John 17:1-26; Matthew 26:26-46)
• On the Cross (Matthew 27:46; Luke 23:46)
• To bless bread after His ascension (Luke 24:30)
• To bless His disciple’s efforts in spreading the Gospel (Luke 24: 50-53)

1. Esther 4:16; Daniel 6:10-13; Ezra 8:21-22. [↵]
2. Ephesians 3:14; Judges 20:26; Luke 18:10-13. [↵]
3. Psalm 5:3; Psalm 92:2; Psalm 88:1; Psalm 55:17; Daniel 6:10; Psalm 119:55, 62; Matthew 14:19. [↵]
4. Ostberg, René, “Lord’s Prayer,” Britannica, July 29, 2024. [↵]
5. Rodríguez, Ángel Manuel, “What is the purpose of religious fasting?” Biblical Research Institute, Sept. 13, 2001. [↵]
6. Ibid. [↵]
7. Ibid. [↵]
8. Johnston, Madeline S., “Fasting with Balance,” Ministry Magazine, Jan., 1995. [↵]
9. Leviticus 16:29; Acts 13: 2-3; Esther 4:16; Jonah 3:9. [↵]
10. Leviticus 16:29; Daniel 10:2-3. [↵]
11. Jonah 3:1-10; Esther 4:16; Nehemiah 1:4. [↵]
12. Matthew 6:9-13. [↵]
13. 1 Chronicles 16:11; Romans 8:13; Matthew 12:28. [↵]
14. Luke 9:18; Mark 6:41; Hebrews 5:7; Luke 6:12. [↵]
15. Matthew 26:36-39; Mark 14:32-36; Luke 22:39-44. [↵]
16. Matthew 14:23; Luke 5:16; Mark 1:35; Mark 6:46. [↵]
17. John 17:9,15, 20-23; Luke 22:31-32. [↵]
18. Matthew 4:1-2; Matthew 17:21. [↵]
19. Nichol, F. D., Seventh-day Adventist Bible Commentary, vol.5, p.868. [↵]
20. “To Fast or Not To Fast?” National Institutes of Health. [↵]
21. Sissons, Claire, and Mandy French, “All You Need to Know About Water Fasting,” Medical News Today, Oct. 18, 2023. [↵]

More Answers

The relationships of our lives can range from blissful to rocky, easy to difficult, fun to boring…

Sometimes it can be challenging to manage each of these relationships when they all seem so different. But the good news is, the relational God who created us provided foundational principles to guide us in any type of relationship.

We can find these principles of healthy relationships throughout the Bible.

God wants us to get along and to live in harmony with those around us. Though sin broke humanity’s perfect relationship with Him, His plan is in motion to restore it. He even went so far as to become a human through Jesus so He could walk among us and model how to love one another.

By studying that model, we can put it into practice in our own lives. We’ll look at the following questions:

• How are relationships talked about in the Bible?
• What is the biblical model for relationships?
  • Selfishness vs. self-giving
  • Pride vs. humility
  • Hardheartedness or vs. empathy
  • Anger vs. forgiveness
  • Disrespect vs. honor
  • Dishonesty vs. transparency
• How do we follow the biblical model for relationships?

Let’s get into the God’s Word and see what we find.

How are relationships talked about in the Bible?

In the beginning, God created us in His image as relational beings. From then on, the whole story of Scripture is about how He is pursuing a relationship with us even after sin separated us from Him. He longs to bridge that gap.

Jesus Christ is the epitome of that longing of God. He came to this earth to restore humanity’s connection with God and to show us what our relationships with Him and with one another should look like.

So let’s start with understanding the relational essence of God.

God is relational

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God is all about relationships, even down to His very nature.

He exists within a three-in-one “family unit” called the Godhead (Matthew 28:19). Each member of the Godhead serves the others (John 5:30; 16:13–14).

Furthermore, the Bible tells us that He is love (1 John 4:8).

Notice it doesn’t say that He is loving, or that He simply has love.

No—He is love at His very core.

But what is this love? Our world portrays love as a strong yet conflicted, faulty emotion. We fall in and out of love. We throw the word around casually, as we “love” chocolate chip cookie dough, ice cream, and the latest car model.

But God is the kind of love described in 1 Corinthians 13:4–7:

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (ESV).

God created human beings because He longs for a relationship with us (Jeremiah 31:3). And He has created us with the same longing for Him.

He also provided us with the Ten Commandments—which are guidelines for healthy relationships with Him and others (Matthew 22:37–40).

Though it breaks God’s heart that humans chose to rebel against His love, He has not given up.

Instead, He’s shown us the greatest example of what it means to love difficult people—us.

The biblical narrative is all about relationships

The story of the Bible follows the interactions of people with God and with one another. It portrays relationships of all kinds, so we’re bound to find one that we can relate to.

And the Bible doesn’t just give us the beautiful side of things. It portrays the good, the bad, and the ugly. Human relationships can be messy!

A theme we see is God’s use of relationship imagery as He reaches out to His rebellious people.

He uses the terms covenant and marriage to describe His commitment to human beings. Covenant occurs 316 times in the Bible and almost always in the context of God’s faithfulness.¹

He also uses marriage as a symbol of His relationship with His people:

“For your Maker is your husband” (Isaiah 54:5, ESV).²

The book of Hosea tells the story of when God called Hosea to marry a prostitute and to continue to pursue her with love even when she would leave him repeatedly. Similarly, God goes after His people and seeks to draw them back even when they turn from Him.

In addition, God uses parental language to show His love for us³:

“Can a woman forget her nursing child that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you” (Isaiah 49:15, ESV).

Jesus is our example in relationships

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Jesus came to the world to reveal the love of God for difficult people. At the same time, He gave us an example of how to relate to one another (1 Peter 2:21), combining compassion and truth.

It looked like…

• Mentoring twelve men (Mark 3:14).
• Reaching out to a Samaritan woman who needed hope (John 4) even though the Samaritans were enemies of the Jews and talking to a woman was taboo.
• Accepting dinner invitations with society’s outcasts (Matthew 9:10) and leaders alike (Luke 7:36).
• Inviting children to come to Him (Mark 10:13–14).
• Speaking with the religious leader Nicodemus and pointing out his heart’s need (John 3).
• Praying for the forgiveness of those who murdered Him on the Cross (Luke 23:34).

In every way, Jesus demonstrated essential characteristics for healthy relationships.

What is the biblical model for relationships?

No matter what kind of relationship you’re looking to improve—whether with a friend, parent, sibling, church member, spouse, or co-worker—the Bible offers principles that work across all relationships. It’s often the same factors that make or break closeness.

These are:

• Selfishness vs. self-giving
• Pride vs. humility
• Hardheartedness or vs. empathy
• Anger vs. forgiveness
• Disrespect vs. honor
• Dishonesty vs. transparency

Read on for a closer look at each one.

Selfishness vs. self-giving

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Selfishness—looking out for yourself over the needs of the other person—is the downfall of many relationships. Unfortunately, we all tend toward selfishness because of our sinful nature.

But Jesus came to show us a different way—that of self-giving. He served others, even to the point of giving up His life. And from that we see the ultimate demonstration of unconditional love:

“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13, ESV).

We see glimpses of this kind of commitment in the story of Ruth. After losing her husband, she had a chance to go back to her hometown where she could be taken care of. She instead chose to go with her widowed mother-in-law to a foreign country and care for her (Ruth 1:14–17).

In Ephesians 5:25, the apostle Paul compares Jesus’ relationship with His people to the self-sacrifice a husband should have in marriage:

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (ESV).

Mutual self-giving causes relationships to thrive.

Pride vs. humility

We know what it’s like to cross our arms in an argument, unwilling to admit we’re wrong. We might even have a list of reasons we should “win” an argument.

But having a healthy relationship requires letting go of that pride. Ephesians 5:21 calls us to “[submit] to one another out of reverence for Christ” (ESV).

Jonathan was the heir to the throne of Israel. And yet, he put aside the pride of position to befriend and protect David, the one God had chosen to rule Israel next (1 Samuel 18; 20; 2 Samuel 9:1–7).

Our humility can also be seen in the way we treat people who are struggling—the poor, the prisoners, the sick, the overlooked, the unpopular (James 2:1–13; Matthew 25). Are we willing to associate with people who may be looked down upon by others?

Hardheartedness vs. empathy

We can respond to the mistakes of others in two ways: with hardheartedness and condemnation or empathy and compassion (Romans 15:1–2).

Paul and Barnabas demonstrated these opposite traits (Acts 15:36–41):

While on a mission trip, Paul refused to take John Mark with them because previously, the young man had given up out of fear. Barnabas, on the other hand, had compassion for John Mark and saw potential in him. He chose to take him and mentor him.

This could be similar to the idea of being curious rather than judgmental. Instead of writing people off, we ask them questions and see if there’s more to the story.

The way we handle people’s mistakes can affect our relationships with them.

But what about when they hurt us?

Anger or forgiveness

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Mending a relationship can be incredibly difficult when we are the ones who were wronged. The choice between anger and forgiveness is hard.

That doesn’t mean it’s wrong to be angry. If someone hurts you, it’s natural to feel anger. But when we let that anger fester and turn into bitterness, it ends up eating away at ourselves—and at the relationship.

One example of this kind of grudge is with Esau and Jacob. It took many years for these brothers to mend the rift between them after Jacob stole Esau’s blessing as the firstborn (Genesis 27:34–35, 41–43).

And yet Jesus calls us to forgive instead of clinging to bitterness:

“Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44, NKJV).

(Please note: Forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation. At times, even after forgiveness happens, it may not be safe or appropriate to resume a relationship—particularly when abuse has occurred.)

Disrespect vs. honor

To “outdo one another in showing honor” is a high calling (Romans 12:10, ESV).

You might have that person of authority in your life—perhaps a boss, a family member, or even a government leader—that you can’t stand. There’s always the temptation to make sideways remarks about them behind their backs, and sometimes to turn other people against them as well.

And yet these Bible verses call for us to respect our parents (Ephesians 6:1–3), our bosses (verses 5–8), and our leaders (Romans 13:1–7).

What does “respect” mean?

It means valuing people, recognizing their humanity because they’ve been created in the image of God (Genesis 1:28). It means taking the time to hear them out, instead of reflexively responding in anger (James 1:19).

David in the Old Testament displayed this respect when being pursued by King Saul. Even though he knew God had given the throne to him, David refused to end Saul’s life because he respected Saul’s God-given position (1 Samuel 24).

Dishonesty vs. transparency

Dishonesty is one of the quickest ways to break trust in a relationship. Transparency helps build that trust.

Look at Jacob’s relationship with his father-in-law, Laban (Genesis 29–31). Instead of allowing Jacob to marry his daughter Rachel as he had promised, Laban deceived Jacob and gave him Leah as a wife. Laban also treated Jacob unfairly and changed his wages many times (Genesis 31:41–42). As you can imagine, that dishonesty put a major strain on their relationship.

The Bible speaks against this:

“Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds” (Colossians 3:9, NKJV).

Transparency is also important when one individual in a relationship believes they’ve been wronged.

It can be hard to speak up when you’ve been hurt. But Matthew 18 provides some principles for healthy ways to approach someone that has hurt us. Though the principles are specifically for relationships with church members, they can also apply to others.

As we’ve looked at these factors that can make or break relationships, we’re left to wonder: How do we apply these in our own lives?

How can Christians follow the biblical model?

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Jesus has set us an example of how to cultivate healthy relationships. Following the biblical model of relationships starts with having a friendship with Him. Then, when we see glimpses of His life, it allows us to reflect on our interactions with others and pray for the Holy Spirit to transform our lives.

As we surrender to Him, He gives us the power to live out His love.

We get it—it sounds simple when relationships seem so difficult. As Christians, we often know what we should do but struggle to do it (Romans 7:15-20).

You know you should treat your grumpy coworker with courtesy but find yourself wanting to snap back at them. You know you don’t need to prove your point, but can’t help it when arguing with your spouse.

Here’s the thing about love. It’s not just a feeling. Biblical love—the kind that God embodies—is an action (1 John 3:18). As the Holy Spirit works in our lives, He gives us the power to live it out even when we may not feel like it.

Let’s look at the steps that will help us have this experience:

Seek a friendship with God

Before we can have healthy relationships with other people, we need a friendship with the source of love Himself. As we come to see who He is and how He relates to people, His love will fill us (1 John 4:12).

Take the time to get to know God. Talk with Him in prayer and read His messages to you in Scripture. Spend time learning about the life of Jesus and how He treated people.

Self-reflect

As you read about God’s love and His ideal for good relationships, ask Him to search your heart (Psalm 139:23–24) and show you where you can grow.

Thoughts and feelings form the foundation of our actions (Proverbs 23:7; 4:23), so ask yourself: What thoughts are fueling my actions?

Reading Scripture will help you in this process. It speaks to our hearts and reveals our very motives (Hebrews 4:12).

Pray for the Holy Spirit

Seeing areas of growth in our lives can be painful and discouraging. We may wonder if we can reach God’s standard.

Well, not in our own strength! But we can ask for the Holy Spirit to change us—from the inside out. And He is more than willing.

When He comes into our hearts, He places His law of love there (Hebrews 8:10) and gives us the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22–23):

• Love
• Joy
• Peace
• Patience
• Kindness
• Goodness
• Faithfulness
• Gentleness
• Self-control

That’s why it’s so important that we pray for the Holy Spirit’s presence each day.

Surrender to God

Following the biblical principles for relationships doesn’t mean we won’t face challenges. But when we face them, we can see them as opportunities to surrender to God.

Surrender is an ongoing process of giving ourselves to Him. When we experience negative thoughts and temptations, we can give those to Him in the heat of the moment (2 Corinthians 10:3–5). He, in turn, gives us His power.

Surrender can be hard. It means accepting what God says is right—even when we don’t feel like saying or doing it at the moment.

But here’s the promise: When we submit to Him and resist the devil, we will experience victory (James 4:7).

Take the first step of love

As we’ve already emphasized, love is a choice to take action—regardless of how you feel toward a person. And there comes a point when we have to take that step.

Think about how Jesus took action when He gathered with His disciples for the Last Supper in John 11. Usually, a servant would wash the feet of the guests, but there was no servant there.

The disciples refused to move a finger to wash one another’s feet. They didn’t want to stoop to that level! Especially since they’d often argued about who was the greatest among them (Luke 22:24–27).

But Jesus took action.

He grabbed a towel and a washbasin to wipe His disciples’ dusty feet. All because of love.

It wasn’t glamorous by any means. But it shows us what love truly is—doing what needs to be done to serve those we’re in a relationship with. Love takes action.

You can have healthy relationships

As you think about your relationships, be encouraged that God has given you a way to make those relationships thrive. The principles of the Bible and the power of God combined will help you interact with people in a healthy way.

The challenge will be different for each individual.

The cold spouse.
The tense sibling relationship.
The coworker who talks behind your back.
The moody employee at your post office.

But ultimately, Jesus calls us to live out His unconditional love and acceptance to everyone we encounter. Beautiful things can happen.

For more biblical relationship tools,

1. Genesis 6:18; 15:1; Exodus 19:5; Leviticus 26:45; Deuteronomy 7:9; Judges 2:1; 2 Chronicles 15:12; Nehemiah 1:5; Psalm 25:14; 89:28; Isaiah 54:10; 55:3; Jer. 31:33; 32:40; Ezekiel 16:8. [↵]
2. See also Hosea 2:16, 19; 2 Corinthians 11:2 [↵]
3. Psalm 103:13; 2 Samuel 7:14–15; Luke 15:11–32; Hebrews 12:7 [↵]

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Prayer is a simple act of faith with powerful life-changing effects. It’s talking to God and opening your heart to Him, just like you would open your heart to a friend.

This article will cover what the Bible says about various concepts of prayer.

Here are 4 things you’ll learn:

1. The definition of prayer
2. The importance of praying
3. What can we pray for?
4. That Jesus is lovingly waiting to hear your prayer

While prayer is something we might hear about frequently, have you ever wondered what it really is and how it works? Is it really just…talking to God?

You’re not the only one with these questions. In fact, Jesus’ own disciples asked Him to teach them how to pray. And He is just as willing to teach us today as He was willing to teach them then (Luke 11:1).

Let’s begin with the definition.

What is prayer?

Prayer is talking to God as your confidant. Through prayer, He can become your closest friend as Abraham “was called the friend of God” (James 2:23, NKJV).

This is what Hannah, Samuel’s mother, did when she was praying for a baby boy, and God answered her prayer (1 Samuel 1:9-13).

Prayer is for the Christian life what breath is to the physical life. And since we need God all the time, any time can be prayer time.

In the Bible, we find different forms of prayer.

Some were rather formal, like the morning and evening prayers of intercession at the temple.

But many of them were very personal prayers, like the ones you might say while feeding your baby or going through email updates at work. Prayer can happen anywhere, anyhow, alone, or with a group.

And for all of them, you can be sure that God hears—no matter who you are, or where you are in your spiritual journey.

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We find an example of one who so valued this connection with God in Enoch, who “walked with God: and he was not, for God took him away” (Genesis 5:24, NKJV).

This doesn’t mean that he literally “walked” with God. Rather, he kept in touch with Him everywhere he went and in everything he did.

Just like you’d do with your best friend. You’ll keep updating him on all your encounters: where you are, what you are doing, the people you meet, and also enjoy seeing their reactions and opinions on what you are sharing with them.

And on the other hand, you’ll love it if they too share their experiences with you.

It’s how close friendships are made, right?

That’s exactly how it should be in our relationship with God. We talk to Him about our everything, and He speaks to us through:

• His Word when we study the Bible
• Nature and all of God’s creation
• His providential guidance, offering divine foresight and intervention
• The counsel of other believers
• Impressions that He puts in our hearts as we pray to Him according to His Word

That kind of constant communion is what Paul meant when he said we should “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17, ESV).

Another example of a man who made God His friend is Moses.

The Bible tells us that “the Lord spoke unto Moses face to face as a man speaks to his friend” (Exodus 33:11, NKJV).

God is always seeking to commune with us. To connect with each of us in the most personal and intimate way. A connection so strong, and closer than any human tie.

And the best news is that the privilege of having this kind of connection with Him is yours, too!

Now, let’s see the role of prayer in developing such a trusting relationship with God.

What is the importance of prayer?

Prayer opens communication with God. We human beings are born into a world that is ruled by the devil, who is described as “the god of this world” (2 Corinthians 4:4, NKJV).

The Bible tells us that we can do nothing without Divine help, since God is our creator and sustainer. And if we have no relationship with our Creator, we will live and die as Satan’s captives (John 15:5).

But God is all-powerful. Only He can defeat Satan. And through prayer, we can reach out to Him for help, and be empowered to confront the things that face us (Philippians 4:13).

We are involved in spiritual warfare “against spiritual wickedness in heavenly places.” But we are assured victory when we present all our requests to God (Ephesians 6:12; Ephesians 6:18, NKJV).

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God is always waiting to grant our needs. Sometimes people go through difficulties trying to do everything on their own, not considering that they could be giving everything to God in prayer and asking for His guidance.

God wants and promises to help us, but He respects our free will and won’t force Himself on us or in our lives without our permission. By asking Him through prayer, we demonstrate that we want God involved in our lives. That we accept the privilege of being God’s people. And His promise to us is that we “ask and it shall be given” (Luke 11:9, NKJV).

He hears and answers our prayers. We don’t have to feel helpless about our problems when God is ready to listen and grant us divine assistance (Psalms 65:2).

The Bible tells us to “cast all [our] care upon Him; for He cares for [us].” He has promised to “supply all your need[s]” (1 Peter 5:7; Philippians 4:19, NKJV).

All heaven is waiting to hear us present our petition before God through prayer.

And the whole Trinity is always at work to ensure our prayers are heard and answered: as we pray to the Father, by the power of the Holy Spirit, and through the name of our Lord Jesus Christ (John 16:23; Romans 8:26).

That if we ask anything in the name of Jesus and according to God’s will, He will hear and do it (John 14:14; 1 John 5:14).

What should you pray for?

You can pray for anything you need. Your prayer can even be a stream of consciousness, telling God everything that’s on your mind.

There’s no wrong way to pray! If your words or thoughts are sincere and opened up to God, He will hear you.

The Lord does not limit us in what we can talk with Him about. He says we can ask Him anything (John 14:14).

You should pray for “whatever things [you] desire” even if it looks impossible, “for with God nothing is impossible” (Mark 11:24; Luke 1:37, NKJV).

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Here are some examples of different types of prayers in the bible

• Prayer for healing, James 5:14
• Prayer for comfort, James 5:13
• Prayer for guidance, Exodus 33:15
• Prayer for thanksgiving, 1 Chronicles 16:8, 34; Psalms 9:1; 95:1-3; 100:4-5; 105:1; 136:1; Luke 17:17
• Prayer for repentance, Psalms 51, 32
• Prayer for prosperity, 1 Chronicles 4:10
• Prayer for enlightenment and understanding God’s Word, Daniel 10:12
• Prayer for wisdom, James 1:5
• Prayer for protection, Daniel 2:17,18
• Prayer of intercession for a loved one, Luke 22:32
• Supplication for daily needs, Matthew 6:11

All our needs—be they physical, emotional, spiritual or any other category are valid before God.

That’s why Hebrews 4:16 welcomes us to come boldly to God.

Jesus even asks us to come to Him as a child would to a parent, calling Him “Our Father.” That’s because we’re children of God, and He takes full responsibility for us.

Jesus Himself taught us to pray in what has become one of the most common prayers— the Lord’s prayer. He asked us to pray saying:

“Our Father in heaven,
Hallowed be Your name.
Your kingdom come.
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts
As we forgive our debtors.
And do not lead us into temptation.
But deliver us from the evil one.
For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.
Amen” (Matthew 6:9-13, NKJV).

This is one of the two models of Christian prayer given to us in the New Testament of the Bible.

Jesus is a friend who sticks closer than a brother

As we’ve seen, it’s by praying that we commune with God. We pour out our deepest needs and desires to Him with the assurance that God answers prayer. And He will answer according to His will.

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So, don’t keep struggling with your life’s burdens when God would gladly help you if you commit them to Him. He says:

“Come unto Me all you that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28, NKJV).

All heaven is eagerly waiting to hear your simple and sincere prayers. God wants to commune with you. And we are assured that “whoever shall come unto Him shall in no wise be cast out” (John 6:37, NKJV).

Have faith that God hears all prayers and answers them all according to His will. Miracles still happen even today in answer to prayer. And He is waiting to hear yours, too.

He is “a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Also, “He is very compassionate, and of tender mercy” (Proverbs 18:24; James 5:11, NKJV).

There are many resources you can use to enrich your devotional and prayer life. Resources like:

• Prayer journals
• Prayer groups you can join
• Books you can read
• Online resources like videos, audio sermons, or music on prayer.

Just as building a friendship with people is a process, building a friendship with God is a process too.

God is inviting you to begin it even today by saying a prayer. Then as you progress each day, step by step, you will see that as you continually draw closer to Him, you become more attuned to His presence in your life and feel His closeness to you (James 4:8).

And if you’d like to have someone to pray for you or with you, we at Ask An Adventist Friend are more than happy to do just that.

So go ahead and share your prayer request with us by filling out the prayer request form below.

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Everyone talks about it, but do we really know what it means?

Love today seems so…cheap. Couples profess their love to one another, and in a matter of years (sometimes months!), they’ve broken up or divorced. Maybe a figure in your life claimed to love you and yet used you and manipulated you.

Or, even if they didn’t outright betray or abuse you, maybe things felt one-sided, as though they didn’t really care about putting effort into the relationship.

And this is the love that God supposedly has?

It can’t be.

Thankfully, the Bible gives us a different picture of love—not of empty words and shallow emotions but of true expressions of love and noble feelings propelled by choice. God Himself embodies this love, showing how love gives and sacrifices for the other.

As we uncover this picture, you can expect to learn:

• What love is, according to Scripture
• The types of love
• The type of love we find in God
• What Jesus says about love

You just might find that love is very different from what you imagined—and so much better.

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What is love according to Scripture?

Love, as described in the Bible, is selfless and unconditional, focusing on what’s best for the other and offering the freedom to choose whether to love in return. God Himself demonstrated this love by giving Jesus Christ to die for the sins of the world (John 3:16; Romans 5:6-8). He gave selflessly and unconditionally, yet He doesn’t push this gift on anyone; He allows us to choose whether we’ll reciprocate.

The clearest description of this love is in 1 Corinthians 13. This passage gives us an idea of what true love is and isn’t. Let’s take a look:

The one word that summarizes all of these character traits is selflessness. And it goes beyond words:

“Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth” (1 John 3:18, ESV).

Here’s what that looks like according to God’s Word:

• Serving one another (Galatians 5:13)
• Doing what’s best for the other (Romans 13:10)
• And even giving one’s life for another (John 15:13)

All of this can be summarized in the Ten Commandments, which provide the principles for loving God and loving one another:

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets” (Matthew 22:37-40, ESV).

The Ten Commandments express what it means to love, and when we love God, it’ll be natural for us to want to follow them (1 John 5:3; 2 John 1:6).

In the same token, sin and selfishness are the opposite of that love because they break the law (1 John 3:4). They include behaviors like adultery, murder, theft, covetousness, and hatred of others (1 John 4:19-21).

The good news about this law is that it helps to set clear boundaries around love. Loving someone doesn’t mean that anything goes in the relationship. Sometimes, the most loving thing to do is not allow unhealthy behavior (Proverbs 3:12), whether emotional or physical abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, or more.

Theologian Jiri Moskala, ThD, highlights this aspect of love:

“Love is also tough: It cannot tolerate sin, hatred, selfishness, and pride; in that sense, it is exclusive. Strong and healthy love understands but does not compromise with injustice and other forms of evil.”¹

And as we mentioned, a key component of biblical love is freedom. A person with this kind of love will recognize that people are free to accept or reject that love.

This love looks so different from what we often see. But it’s what makes relationships safe and healthy.

What are the types of love in the Bible?

The English language only has one word for love, but Greek uses numerous words—many of which appear in the New Testament. The main ones, in English, are self-sacrificing love, brotherly love, self-love, and romantic love. These categories can help us understand more about God’s love.

We’ll look briefly at each one and how they show up in the Bible.

Agape

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Agape is the Greek word for unconditional, selfless, and self-sacrificing love. It’s a love based on principle, and it’s “primarily a function of the head, the mind, the intellect.”²

This is the kind of love that chooses to do what’s best for someone else, even when you might not feel like it. It goes beyond emotions or attraction.

Here are a couple of examples in the Bible:

“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44, ESV).

“We love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19, ESV).

Phileo

Phileo is brotherly love or friendship love. It’s “more a matter of the heart, the emotions.”³ After all, you are usually friends with someone because you enjoy them and feel a sense of closeness to them. You don’t have to be around them—but you want to be.

It’s the kind of love Jesus had for his friend Lazarus (John 11:3). The word is also used to describe the love that believers in Christ are called to have for one another (Titus 3:15).

A couple of other Greek words are closely connected to this one:

• Philoxenia: hospitality or love toward strangers (Romans 12:13; Hebrews 13:2)
• Philostorgos: affection, especially between relatives or family members (Romans 12:10)

Philautia

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Philautia can refer to either self-love or self-obsession.

The first kind—self-love—isn’t selfish.

In fact, it’s biblical. Jesus calls us to love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:39). This involves recognizing our value and caring for who God has created us to be so that we can most effectively serve others.

Self-obsession, though, is what we find in passages like 2 Timothy 3:2, ESV,  which describes the characteristics of people in the last days: “lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy” (ESV).

Though the word lover is used to describe people who are “lovers of self” or “lovers of money,” this is far from the definition of love we’re describing throughout this article. Obsession and fixation are not love, though they may masquerade as such.

Eros

Eros is the Greek word for romantic or sexual love (not to be confused with lust, which is selfish).

The word itself is not actually used in the Bible, though we do see examples of it. The most prominent ones are in Song of Solomon, where the deep intimacy of sexual love is glorified:

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—For your love is better than wine…. Draw me away!” (Song of Solomon 1:2, 4, NKJV).

What type of love is God’s love?

Photo by Emmanuel Phaeton on Unsplash

Many Christians have identified God’s love as the selfless, principled, freedom-giving agape. And no doubt, it is. However, the Bible also speaks of God’s love as phileo. And if you think about it, doesn’t the purest and truest of each kind of love give us a peek into who God is?

Nonetheless, let’s start with agape.

The Bible tells us that “God is love [agape]” (1 John 4:8, NKJV).

Pastor Ty Gibson points out that this verse is the “only definitive total-identity statement” about God in the Bible.⁴ It doesn’t say, “God is loving.” Instead, God is love in His very essence. And to represent this perfect love, God is a living relationship—the Trinity. The Godhead is a “picture of God as a three-way unity of perfect love.”⁵

Think of it this way:

Without someone else to love, it’s easy for an individual to be selfish—to be concerned with their own needs, wants, and interests. As a single person, you don’t have to think about a significant other when you want to hop on a plane for a spur-of-the-moment vacation, stay out later this evening, or take a new job.

Add another person to that picture, and now, you have to think about someone else. You’re giving and receiving love. But in this situation, it can still be easy to stray from pure love and become selfish as you both focus on getting your needs met by one another.

But perfect love that is never selfish and is always uplifting of others is what comes from God.

We can see this in the Trinitarian Godhead.

The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are in a constant rhythm of serving one another and giving love to us. The Old Testament brings out this love of God, using the word hesed, which is equivalent to the Greek agape.

Hesed has incredible depth. Gibson discusses this in his book A God Named Desire:

“As the Hebrew prophets endeavored to describe God and reach out to Him, hesed is the word they employed more frequently than any other, often coupling it with other words in an effort to expand its rich meaning.”⁶

Hesed is translated as mercy, goodness, lovingkindness, and everlasting kindness—to name a few biblical examples.⁷

It carries the ideas of:

• Loyalty
• Integrity
• Faithfulness
• Consistency
• Commitment

That’s the kind of love God has for each one of us. It’s a love so deep that He wouldn’t break His promise to us but instead came and died for us—even if we choose not to accept that gift:

“God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8, NKJV).

As this passage emphasizes, that love is also unconditional. Theologian John Peckham, PhD, who has written whole books on the love of God, says:

“God’s love is always unmerited. It’s never deserved. It’s never earned. It’s never something that you have to measure up to in order to receive.”⁸

And God chose to love us in this way, regardless of whether we would love Him in return. He gives us complete freedom to enter into a relationship with Him or not because He knows that true love cannot be forced.

But does God love us only out of principle—because He sees it as the right thing and chooses to? Or does He actually enjoy us and want us?

The picture gets better.

Agape or phileo?

If we stop at agape, we’re missing an important aspect of God’s love. Passages in the New Testament also use phileo to express it.

Take a look at this example when Jesus was speaking to His disciples:

“The Father Himself loves [phileo] you” (John 16:27, NKJV).

And the apostle Paul uses phileo to express the love we should have for God (1 Corinthians 16:22).

In other words, God has not only a principled, self-sacrificing love. He also directs affection and emotions toward us. Both agape and phileo represent His love.

Peckham agrees:

“We’ve traditionally been taught that agape is the only unique word for God’s love, and it’s a better kind of love, and all the other kinds of love are deficient. But in John 16:27, the kind of love that God Himself has is described as phileo.”⁹

Agape and phileo work hand in hand, as another Adventist author writes:

“Both kinds of love are constantly operative and both are an authentic way of expressing love; both being a part of God’s creation. Both kinds of love are potentially operative in human-to-human, God-to-human, and human-to-God relationships.”¹⁰

As we learn more about God’s love, it still leaves some questions, though, about God’s anger and justice. How do those fit into the picture?

God’s love versus His justice?

Photo by Sora Shimazaki

If God is love, then everything that is true of Him must be true because He is love. He is merciful because He is love. He is kind because He is love. And He is also just because He is love.¹¹

As Peckham puts it, “God’s love and justice go together. Because if you love someone, you’re going to be upset about any injustices perpetrated against them.”¹²
Just think about how you’d feel if someone kidnapped your child and harmed them in some way. You’d be furious and set on getting justice.

And how much more does God want justice for His children who have been wronged? Adventist theologian Angel Rodriguez, ThD, is clear:

“Love and permissiveness are incompatible…. God’s love is tough love.”

We can take comfort in that because it means God will bring justice on our behalf.

But this can feel like a tricky topic. You may wonder why you haven’t seen justice served for people who have hurt you or wronged you. Why does life seem to be going so well for so-and-so who caused so much pain in your life? How come they got away with what they did?

Here’s where we circle back to an important aspect of love: freedom.

God has created every single person on this planet—and they are His children. His greatest longing is for them to experience His love and, as a result, show that love to others. But He will never force them to receive His love and live by it, which means that His children sometimes make choices that harm His other children.

That puts God in a tricky dilemma, doesn’t it?

Because He values freedom so much, He has to allow evil to take its course. Otherwise, the devil, in this conflict between good and evil, would have an opportunity to accuse God of forcing His love upon us.

Thankfully, though, a time will come when justice will be served—when all have clearly had the opportunity to choose for or against God. During the judgment in the last days, He will acknowledge the decisions that people have made and bring ultimate justice for all His children who have been hurt.

For more on the topic of God’s justice and the question of evil,

What does Jesus say about love?

Jesus came to this earth to show us the Father and thus show us His character of love. His life was a living, breathing example of agape and phileo love as He healed the sick, touched lepers, embraced the outcasts of society, blessed children, and called out the hypocrisy of religious leaders.

His actions gave power to His teachings about love, which we’ll summarize in three points:

God the Father loves us

Perhaps some of the most powerful—and most-remembered—words Jesus spoke are these:

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life” (John 3:16, NKJV).

It’s easy to skip over these words, to miss what they’re really saying.

Notice the sequence: God loved. Therefore, He gave.

And when Jesus came, He loved us with that same self-giving love (John 15:9). He demonstrated the greatest love in laying down His life for us (John 15:13). Now, He calls us and empowers us to do the same.

Love is central to the Ten Commandments

Photo by Tim Wildsmith on Unsplash

Jesus taught that the Ten Commandments are principles for loving God and loving others:

“‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets” (Matthew 22:37-40, NKJV).

He emphasized that obedience to these commandments don’t earn salvation. Rather, they’re evidence of love for Him and for others:

“He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me” (John 14:21, NKJV).

These Commandments reach beyond outward rituals to the very heart. Jesus wanted followers who revealed His love more than followers that just went through the motions (Luke 11:43).

Mark 12 records the same words of Jesus that we quoted from Matthew 22. After Jesus explained how love was central to the Law, someone in his audience responded with these words:

“And to love Him with all the heart, with all the understanding, with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love one’s neighbor as oneself, is more than all the whole burnt offerings and sacrifices” (Mark 12:33, NKJV).

Jesus affirmed him:

“Now when Jesus saw that he answered wisely, He said to him, ‘You are not far from the kingdom of God’” (Mark 12:34, NKJV).

God values true obedience, spurred by love, far above following rituals or ceremonies.

Loving one another is part of discipleship to Jesus

Jesus called all of His followers to love the way He does:

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34-35, NKJV).

This is part of the discipleship process—of becoming like Him. And as we show love for one another, we reveal the love of Christ to the world (John 17:23).

It sounds good written out, but this kind of love is not easy. It requires loving those who don’t offer us love in return:

“But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?” (Matthew 5:44-46, NKJV)

How do you treat that friend who betrayed you by gossiping about you, or that co-worker who seems intent on making your life miserable? It’s these situations where the principled agape love of Jesus is most difficult to carry out.

But it’s also in these situations that we can depend on Him to fill us with that kind of love.

Love: choice first, feelings second

Love in its purest form, as we’ve learned, is quite unlike the ever-changing feelings we often think of as love. It’s deeper than that. It’s the kind that endures through challenges, that chooses to stay when things get tough.

As Gibson pointed out, “Love is an action. It’s a principle of commitment and loyalty and faithfulness, come what may.”¹³

This doesn’t mean it’s without feelings, though. But it has an important foundation of self-sacrifice and what Gibson calls “relational integrity.”

With that foundation, the feelings become deep and meaningful.

That’s the kind of love God has for each one of us. And the love He’s inviting us to have for one another.

Related Articles

1. Moskala, Jiri, “Love – A Decision and a Verb,” Perspective Digest, vol. 8, no. 1. [↵]
2. Dinsley, John, “A Kiss of Charity: The Debate over Agape,” Ministry. [↵]
3. Ibid. [↵]
4. Gibson, Ty, “Life with God, Season 1 – God Is Love,” Adventist Theological Society. YouTube. [↵]
5. Gibson, Ty, “The Heart of God,” Truth Link Bible Study #2, [↵]
6. Gibson, Ty, A God Named Desire, p. 90-91. [↵]
7. Exodus 20:6; 34:6; Psalm 36:10; Isaiah 54:8. [↵]
8. Peckham, John, “Life with God, Season 1 – God Is Love,” Adventist Theological Society, YouTube. [↵]
9.  Ibid. [↵ ]
10. Dinsley, “A Kiss of Charity: The Debate over Agape.” [↵]
11. Gibson, “Life with God, Season 1 – God Is Love.” [↵]
12. Peckham, “Life with God, Season 1 – God Is Love.” [↵]
13. Gibson, “Life with God, Season 1 – God Is Love.” [↵]

More Answers

Peter’s ladder of virtues is a phrase that refers to eight characteristics to be developed as a person grows in their relationship with Jesus Christ. It can be found in 2 Peter 1.

In short, these Christian virtues are faith, goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, kindness, and love.

We can all agree that these are excellent principles to live by. But this is supposed to be more than just a list of good things. There’s a reason it’s called a “ladder.”

Let’s look more closely at how Peter listed and explained these principles to the believers he wanted to encourage.

• The “rungs” on Peter’s ladder of virtues
  • Faith
  • Goodness
  • Knowledge
  • Self-control
  • Perseverance
  • Godliness
  • Kindness
  • Love
• How we can cultivate these virtues

First, let’s go straight to the Bible verses themselves.

The “rungs” on Peter’s ladder of virtues

The book of 2 Peter begins as an encouragement to the early church, most likely including several new converts. He outlines the sincere character development that comes with knowing and following Jesus, showing how these virtues build upon one another in important ways.

“For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with goodness, goodness with knowledge, knowledge with self-control, self-control with endurance, endurance with godliness, godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love” (2 Peter 1:5-7, CSB).

These virtues are commonly called a “ladder” because each one naturally follows and supplements the previous one.

The foundation is faith—our common starting point. We acknowledge our desire to believe and grow in Christ, then the Holy Spirit helps us grow from there. And as we grow, each step up this ladder brings us closer to the ultimate ideal of perfect love—the essence of God Himself (1 John 4:8).

Let’s learn more about what each of these virtues truly mean, and how they have a compounding effect on one another.

Faith

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Faith is the first and most important step. Even if it’s a small step, it gets us on the ladder.

Without faith, there would be no sincere progression through all these virtues.

Peter describes how faith enables Christians to partake in the divine nature God promises. We have to make the decision to believe, even if we can’t see how it all fits together yet. That’s how faith works.

According to Hebrews 11:1, it is “the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (NKJV).

In everyday language, it means you are acknowledging God as sovereign and accepting Jesus Christ as the one who saves us, loves us, and guides us through His Holy Spirit.

Faith is how we accept the salvation Jesus offers us. Even if our starting “amount” of belief is as small as a mustard seed (Matthew 17:20-21), that’s all God needs. That’s also how we know that God is the one saving us, not our own efforts.

Ephesians 2:8-9 says,

“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast” (NKJV, emphasis added).

And it’s good to remember that even though faith is the foundational experience of being a Christian, it might look and feel different for every person. It depends on how we have experienced the world and how we came to accept Jesus.

But after that first step of faith, we can begin to experience a deepening of virtue as we get to know what true “goodness” is all about.

Goodness

Some Bible versions use the word “virtue” itself here, and this principle can also be described as “moral excellence.”¹ It’s all about recognizing how God’s Law is perfect and beneficial, and how it sets the right conditions for love to flourish.

While summed up in the Ten Commandments, (Exodus 20:1-17; Matthew 22:35-40), God has given us instructions all throughout the Bible. And making it a priority to follow His Law, even if we mess up at times, cultivates goodness within us. We begin to recognize it more and more as we continually work toward it.

We can see goodness demonstrated by Joseph in the Old Testament. Even though he was bullied, mistreated, neglected, and wrongfully accused and imprisoned (Genesis 37, 39-42), he always did his best to be good to others even while dealing with his own frustrating circumstances.

Knowledge

Faith and goodness grow as we gain further knowledge, or wisdom—which the Bible has a lot to say about.

“Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding” (Proverbs 4:7, NKJV).

The idea here is that there is always more to learn. We serve an infinite God who is continuously revealed through Scripture, people, and the world around us.

And by keeping up the pursuit of the knowledge of God, it only adds to all the other aspects of our spiritual development.

Self-control

Photo by cottonbro studio

And as we learn more and more, new challenges and temptations arise as well. That’s where self-control comes in.

Self-control—also called “temperance” in the King James Version—encompasses the principles of moderation, restraint, balance, and using God’s Law to set our boundaries. It is one of the fruits of the spirit the apostle Paul mentions in Galatians 5:22-23.

A person who exercises self-control is better able to fight against the temptations of sin, or letting our actions be motivated by greed, pride, sexual immorality, hate, gluttony, etc.

Self-control doesn’t mean that a person isn’t tempted at all, but that when temptation is experienced, it is also recognized, prayed about, and willfully put aside, with the help of the Holy Spirit.

We can see self-control modeled in various stories in the Bible, such as in the Old Testament with David and King Saul.

Saul had become extremely jealous of David and his abilities—so much so that he intended to kill him. During one of his pursuits of David, Saul rested in a cave, away from his men (1 Samuel 24:3). What Saul didn’t know was that David and his men were also hiding in the back of the same cave.

David’s men saw their opportunity. They tried to convince him that now was the perfect time to kill Saul. After all, God had promised David he would one day be king (1 Samuel 24:4).

David undoubtedly felt the temptation to end that struggle with Saul once and for all. But he knew that wasn’t what God wanted him to do. He knew that Saul’s ultimate fate should be in God’s hands, not his.

So instead of killing him, or even injuring him, David quietly cut off the corner of Saul’s robe (1 Samuel 24:4). He told his men, “The Lord forbid that I should do this thing to my master, the Lord’s anointed, to stretch out my hand against him, seeing he is the anointed of the Lord” (1 Samuel 24:6, NKJV).

Then he felt guilty even of that. Later he confessed to Saul—putting himself in danger to do it—and reminded Saul he could have killed him, but chose not to (1 Samuel 24:11).

By exercising self-control, David allowed everything to happen in God’s timing. Israel later experienced prosperity because David trusted in God, which gave him the willpower and self-control he needed for the tough situations he encountered.

Perseverance/Endurance

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As we continue in faith, pursue goodness, and exercise self-control (with God’s help), we develop perseverance.

This trait can also be expressed as steadfastness,² endurance,³ or patience.⁴ But all these words express the concept of strength across time. An ongoing process. Consistency. Fighting discouragement and not giving up.

Even when things take a really long time. Even when things get difficult. Even when things seem impossible.

There will be no shortage of challenges for a true Christian. But prayerfully cultivating perseverance will help us get through those struggles—sometimes in ways that amaze us and strengthen our faith.

“And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope” (Romans 5:3-4, NKJV).

Perseverance builds character. It’s a key ingredient in a godly Christian character that reflects the love and strength of Jesus Christ.

Naturally, that would lead us toward godliness.

Godliness

This is a significant step of the ladder because it signals a turning point. We’re moving from developing our personal character to actively trying to emulate the character of God.

Godliness comes from the Greek word eusebeia, which means “well worship.”⁵ Practically, it means deep reverence toward God that motivates action, as well. So this refers to a genuine, profound worship of God that also involves the goal of reflecting His character.

Godliness also requires an understanding of the bigger picture. Our desires start to match God’s desires, and we are less enticed by the frivolous things the world constantly tries to offer.

John the Baptist made a statement that exemplified an interesting angle of godliness:

“He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30, CBS).

And this doesn’t mean we have to “decrease” who we are. This isn’t about identity, but about recognizing God’s perfect will and perfect character, and fixing our minds’ eyes upon Him.

Then, as we embrace and reflect Christ’s character, it will be evident in how we relate with others.

Brotherly kindness

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Brotherly kindness is just what it sounds like: showing kindness and affection to our brothers and sisters, or our neighbors, in Christ. It means treating everyone like we’re all part of the same family.

It’s often described by the Greek word philadelphia.⁶

Here’s one way the apostle Paul describes kindness:

“Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another” (Romans 12:10, NKJV).

We don’t just look out for ourselves, we also consider the needs and perspectives of others.

This is exemplified in stories like the “Good Samaritan” (Luke 10:25-37), Ruth taking care of Naomi (Ruth 1), and Paul feeding and healing others after being shipwrecked, all while he was a prisoner (Acts 27:9-44, 28:1-10).

So kindness is much more than just “being nice.” Kindness involves compassion, generosity, empathy, and humility.

And as kindness becomes our way of life, God’s love can be revealed through us.

Love

Love is the ultimate expression of the Christian life, represented as the last rung on Peter’s ladder. God is love (1 John 4:8), and Jesus said that showing love is the way to demonstrate that we follow Him.

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35, CSB).

And this love is to be shown to everyone, whether they share our beliefs or not. Whether they’re kind to us or not. Even if they’re our enemies (Luke 6:27).

This is the love God has for us. In Greek, it’s called agape, and it can be described as “a giving love, entirely unselfish.”⁷

This is the type of love that led Jesus to sacrifice His life for each and every one of us—even those who put Him on the Cross—so that we might someday spend our eternal life with Him.

Love encapsulates every other virtue on Peter’s ladder, as we can see from 1 Corinthians 13. This is commonly called the “love chapter” because it describes all the qualities that make up this true love. The chapter ends, “And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:13, NKJV).

God works with us through the Holy Spirit to develop this trait in our lives. And as He does, we also become closer and closer with Him.

Cultivating these eight virtues in life

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When Peter laid out the ladder of virtues, he was penning a letter to the early Christian church. He was describing the divine nature of God, and how these qualities were developed and strengthened in a Christian. And how the people’s growth in these virtues would help the Gospel to be shared everywhere.

These qualities are timeless. They’ll never waver in importance, and they’ll always be expressions of Christ’s character.

And in today’s world, torn apart by pride, greed, anger, violence…these things are needed more than ever.

So how do we do this?

None of us are perfect, but we still have the same goal—love.

And the journey toward love can start with just a mustard-seed amount of faith. Once we decide to get on this ladder, the Holy Spirit will help us, step by step, as we go.

Cultivating the virtues of “Peter’s ladder” is a life-long process, no matter when we start it.

And even though it is a very personal, inward process, it isn’t something we can do on our own. It’s a process of growth that happens as we grow closer to God.

And even though it’s portrayed as a ladder, it doesn’t mean that we have to master each step before we can move on to the next. All these virtues build upon one another, but that doesn’t mean we can’t develop our kindness if we’re still working on our faith.

This isn’t a formula or a checklist.

And sometimes, it might be a daily climb we have to do over and over.

On hard days, it might be all we can do just to place our feet on the bottom rung. But even so, that step of faith puts us on the right path and opens our minds to the Holy Spirit, who can lead us upward.

There are also additional things we can do to cultivate these values in our lives.

• We can strengthen our faith by praying and reading the Bible.
• We can practice goodness when we volunteer our time, or even when we stop to help a friend. Or a stranger.
• We can grow our knowledge with Bible study, and by approaching life with a mindset that’s always ready to learn.
• We can exercise self-control by building good habits and setting goals.
• We can develop perseverance by keeping up our devotional practice, even when we lose motivation or get discouraged. And if we do get stuck, we know we can always start things up again, and God will meet us where we’re at.
• We can reflect godliness by prayerfully staying open to the promptings of the Holy Spirit.
• We can practice kindness by intentionally thinking about the people around us, being willing to listen, and helping out whenever an opportunity arises.
• And we experience and grow in love by doing any and all of these things, and keeping our eyes open for how God shows His love with us.

All in all, the closer we draw to God, the more we will be aware of, experience, and emulate these virtues.

It just takes a step of faith to get started.

Looking for more tips to improve your relationship with Jesus?

Related Articles

1. 2 Peter 1:5, New American Standard Bible. [↵]
2. 2 Peter 1:6, English Standard Version. [↵]
3. 2 Peter 1:6, Christian Standard Bible. [↵]
4. 2 Peter 1:6, King James Version. [↵]
5. “Godliness (2150) eusebeia,” Sermon Index.net, [↵]
6. “Philadelphia,”Strong’s, G5360 [↵]
7. “Agape,” Cambridge Dictionary, [↵]

More Answers

Conflict.

While it’s the main ingredient in a good story, it unfortunately can spoil things in real life. It might start from minor differences of opinion. But unchecked, it can turn into what feels like a full-blown war.

And often, whether we’re on one side or caught in the middle, these conflicts can happen with people we love and trust the most.

So, how do we approach these situations? What do we say?

Let’s find out what the Bible teaches on this topic, including:

• Where conflict comes from
• Biblical principles for resolving conflict

Keep in mind that conflict shows up in many different forms.

For example, Genesis records an ongoing feud between Joseph and his brothers. His brothers were so jealous that they hatched a plot to sell Joseph into slavery in Egypt, where God used this opportunity to raise Joseph to a commanding position. Not till many years later was their conflict resolved.

Even Jesus found Himself in conflict with the Pharisees when they confronted Him with accusations or questions meant to trap Him (Luke 20:20-26).

As long as sin exists, conflict will be part of the human existence. But if Jesus found ways to navigate conflict and remain in His Father’s will, that means we can, too.

There’s hope for the conflicts we face.

But before we can learn about that hope, we need some background.

Where does conflict come from?

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The very first conflict began when an angel named Lucifer chose pride over love and created division in heaven (Isaiah 14:12-14). As a result, war broke out, and Lucifer (who became Satan) and the angels that joined him were cast out (Revelation 12:7-9).

Wait. War in heaven?

That’s right. Even heaven, a perfect place, could be overshadowed by conflict. And that’s because of the power to choose. God knows that true, loving relationships require freedom. Freedom to love, but also freedom to separate from another individual and cause them hurt and pain.

Because Satan chose sin (which is selfishness at its core), conflict in heaven became possible.

That sin then entered our world when Satan persuaded Eve to eat fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (Genesis 3:1-5). In eating the fruit, Adam and Eve let selfishness take precedence. The first conflict broke out when Adam blamed Eve for his choice—and indirectly blamed God who had created Eve (Genesis 3:12).

Since then, humans have been caught in this constant tug-of-war between good and evil. Our natural tendency is to seek what’s best for ourselves above what’s best for others. This inevitably creates conflict, as James 4:1 points out:

“Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members?” (NKJV).

Yet when we allow God to work in our lives, He gives us new desires for selflessness and generosity (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Thus, though we face conflicts with one another, the root of these conflicts is actually the conflict between good and evil in each heart.

Every conflict is a call for us to search our hearts and ask, Am I allowing my selfish desires to impact this conflict in any way? Sometimes, the answer will be yes, and you may realize the need to go to God for a change in your own heart. But at other times, it may be no. The conflict may not be your fault.

Jesus and the Pharisees are an example of this. The Pharisees often tried to pick conflicts with Jesus, even though Jesus wasn’t seeking disagreements with them.

So, how do we learn to navigate these situations, whether we’ve contributed to the conflict or not?

Biblical principles for resolving conflict

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The Bible encourages us to resolve conflict and to live at peace with others, as much as we possibly can (Romans 12:18). In fact, Jesus pronounced a special blessing on peacemakers (Matthew 5:9).

Notice also the apostle Paul’s encouragement in the book of Hebrews:

“Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled” (Hebrews 12:14-15, NKJV).

This counsel makes sense because God Himself is love (1 John 4:8). When we take a look at 1 Corinthians 13, which defines love in the Bible, all the attributes point to conflict resolution—attributes like patience, kindness, seeking what’s best for others, and not behaving rudely.

As we look at the Bible’s principles, they may at times feel revolutionary to what the world teaches. Often, they’ll contradict what we “feel” like doing. And yet, with the help of Christ, we can find the courage and strength to make choices that preserve relationships, mend bonds, and uphold integrity.

Let’s see what some of those principles are.

Remember the ultimate enemy

And it’s not the person you’re in conflict with.

Ephesians 6:12 tells us,

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places” (NKJV).

Reminding ourselves that there’s a bigger picture of the spiritual battle between good and evil can help put our conflicts into perspective. Each one of us is fighting the tendency toward selfishness and the temptations of the enemy.

Glorify God

Jesus is the ultimate peacemaker and our ultimate role model. As Christians, we are called to glorify Him in everything we do (1 Corinthians 10:31), and that includes the way we handle conflict.

We can glorify Him through seeking to represent His character to the individual we’re in conflict with. This might mean choosing kindness instead of gossip, or speaking the truth in love rather than withdrawing and avoiding the individual.

The remaining principles will help flesh this point out even more.

Spend time in personal reflection

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Before approaching someone about something they did, take some time to look at yourself. What part did you have in the conflict?

This principle comes straight from Jesus’ teaching in Matthew:

“And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:3-5, NKJV).

It’s easy to pinpoint what others have done wrong, but we may not as easily see—or want to see—our own faults. They may even be the same things we’re accusing the other person of, as the apostle Paul indicates:

“Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things” (Romans 2:1, NKJV).

For example, your spouse may do something that really bothers you—you fill in the blank—but without realizing it, you do something very similar.

That’s why it’s important to spend time in prayer and personal reflection, asking God to reveal to you areas where you need growth.

Admit when you’re wrong

If you’ve had a part to play in the conflict, one of the hardest things to do is apologize.

And yet, it may be key in bringing about resolution. Humility and a sincere apology may be what’s needed to open the heart of the other individual.

And as you apologize, you may pave the way for praying for one another and experiencing healing:

“Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much” (James 5:16, NKJV).

If we take the first step of admitting we’re wrong, we can start a snowball effect—one of confession and reconciliation.

Pause before responding

This can be difficult, especially when you’re upset! But it can help prevent a situation from escalating out of control.

“So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:19-20, NKJV).

When we forget about this advice, we’re more likely to give anger free reign, saying things we regret or accusing someone without having all the facts (Proverbs 29:22).

So, next time you’re tempted to respond right away, pause and allow yourself to cool off. If you’re in the middle of a discussion, ask the other individual for some time to step away before coming back to the issue at hand. Then, pray for the Holy Spirit to guide you in navigating the situation.

Proverbs gives us this wise advice:

“The heart of the righteous studies how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil” (Proverbs 15:28, NKJV).

If at all possible, approach the other person only once you’ve had time to cool off and calmly think through the situation.

Look at it from the other person’s point of view

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Before confronting someone, think about the situation from their angle. Listen to their side and seek to understand them.

This kind of response requires the spirit mentioned in Philippians 2:3-4:

“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others” (NKJV).

In looking out for the other person’s best interest, ask yourself: What would cause them to disagree with you? What factors might be influencing them?

Considering how the other person sees the situation can give us more empathy for them and help us to know how to move forward toward reconciliation.

Overlook the other’s wrongdoing

King Solomon, one of the wisest men in the world, advised us,

“The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to overlook a transgression” (Proverbs 19:11, NKJV).

Of course, it’s not always healthy to overlook wrongdoings. Persistent issues do need to be addressed, particularly if they could be harmful to someone.

However, this passage can also speak to having a clear focus when dealing with conflict. Rather than digging up all the little things someone has done wrong and heaping them into the mix, it’s wise to focus on the main issue at hand.

Avoid retaliation

When someone treats us in a certain way, our human tendency is to respond in kind. If they ignore us, we’re likely to want to ignore them. If they talk badly about us, we want to hurt their reputation in some way, too.

Maybe someone at church overstepped their responsibilities and took over your role. Your gut response? To try to edge your way back by spreading rumors or making them look incompetent.

And yet, the Bible teaches us a different approach:

“[A]ll of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing” (1 Peter 3:8-9, NKJV).

This counsel echoes Jesus’ instructions to love and bless our enemies (Luke 6:27). What a challenging call!

To be clear, this doesn’t mean we should submit to abuse or mistreatment. But it is a call to handle unfair or unjust situations with courtesy and kindness, rather than lashing out.

Consider your tone of voice

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When you’re speaking to someone you disagree with, a calm tone of voice will often go much further in resolving conflict than a loud or angry one:

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1, NKJV).

As this verse emphasizes, an accusatory, confrontational tone of voice can actually escalate the situation, causing the other individual to become more defensive.

So, if your neighbor storms over to your house and accuses you of tearing out his prized azaleas, how would you respond?

It would be tempting to hotly deny the charge. But what if you instead responded calmly and explained that you didn’t harm his azaleas? You could ask him why he thinks you did it and then even offer to help him. This kind of response is much more likely to dissolve his anger.

Directly approach the individual who hurt you

Jesus gives this advice in Matthew when dealing with conflict within the church:

“‘Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector’” (Matthew 18:15-17, NKJV).

Let’s break this down.

First, if someone has wronged you, talk to that person alone. Don’t speak about it to other people before you speak to that person—it’s breaking their privacy in the matter. Think things through, and discuss the matter with that person.

If the other person refuses to deal with the issue, then Jesus says to involve other people in the situation. With this small group of trusted people, once again approach the other person to sort things out.

If the conflict still isn’t resolved, Jesus says, a last option can be put forward. That is, bring the situation before the church. In a gentle manner, present the problem and have the church help reason with the other person.

Let go of past wrongs

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Though a conflict may be resolved, it can still be tempting at times to bring that conflict up again in the future. The Bible, though, encourages us to put the disagreement behind us:

“[Therefore], bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you must also do” (Colossians 3:13, NKJV).

By forgiving someone for a past conflict, we choose to put the issue behind us. This is a gift Jesus gives us that we have the opportunity to extend to others (Isaiah 43:25).

In some situations, of course, reconciliation may not be healthy or possible. But we can still choose to live in the freedom of forgiveness, not holding the offense against the wrongdoer any longer.

Following the example of Jesus

Scripture is all about mending relationships and maintaining healthy, dynamic, loving ones. It recognizes the challenges of this in the midst of a sinful world, but also encourages us with the example of Jesus.

He shows us that through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can have victory over our personal struggles and more effectively relate to those around us. As we turn to Him, He helps us to follow in His footsteps and reflect His character in the midst of conflict.

If you’d like to learn more about the Christian walk,

More Answers

While you certainly don’t have to go to church to develop a relationship with Jesus, the Bible makes it clear that gathering together with other believers can be really beneficial for your spiritual growth.

For the early Christian church we read about in the New Testament, “going to church” wasn’t just about getting together once a week.

Rather, church and worship was about creating a habit that revealed to the outside world what the early church valued: community and the risen Jesus.

We can use the early church as an example to see why church, or gathering together for worship and study, was important in the Bible as well as why attending church might be useful for your own spiritual journey.

Specifically, we’ll look at these questions:

• What does the Bible say about attending church?
  • What was “church” like in the Bible?
• Do I have to go to church to be a Christian?
• Why might someone choose to go to church?

So let’s dive into the Word of God and learn what the Bible says about the practice we know of today as attending church.

What does the Bible say about attending church?

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In the Bible, “church” was a bit different than what we picture today. In fact, other than a few references to temples and synagogues, there isn’t really any mention of going to church, but there is a lot of mention of being the church.

When the word “church” is used in the Bible, it’s referring to people, not a place or a building. Uses of “the church” or “churches” referred to the collective community of believers (Matthew 18:17; Acts 9:31; Acts 12:5; Acts 14:27, etc.) or a specific group of believers in an area (1 Corinthians 1:2).

So what is being the church all about? Well, church in the Bible was far less about having a specific building to go to, and far more about fostering community and living out the gospel, whether that meant worshiping with fellow believers or sharing the gospel with people who haven’t heard it before.

That being said, there’s a lot in the Bible that references the importance of gathering together as a community. And often we can determine that people would meet together in their homes (Romans 16:5).

In fact, much of the New Testament is dedicated to documenting the creation of the early church and the letters that went to those new communities of believers.

In one of those letters, Paul tells the church:

“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near” (Hebrews 10:23-25, ESV).

In other words, don’t forget about the promise and hope of the gospel. In order to prepare for the second coming of Jesus Christ, we should meet together regularly. That way, we can inspire and support one another to live a life of love and doing good.

God’s word also guides us to recognize each other’s strengths, spiritual gifts, and roles that we can play as members of the body of Christ, also known as the church:

“For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another” (Romans 12:4-5, ESV).

Each one of God’s people has a gift, and together, the church can’t exist without its members, just as a body can’t function without arms, legs, eyes, organs, etc. Together, the church makes up the whole body of Christ.

If anything, the Bible does emphasize that when it comes to believing in Christ and keeping your faith strong, there is significant power and positivity in gathering together with other believers.

When believers are isolated or separated from each other, it becomes more difficult to use our gifts to share the message of the gospel. We also miss out on a spiritual support community.

While you can certainly share the gospel of Jesus on your own, the church is meant to be a collective rather than individual institution.

We can learn more about what the Bible says about attending church by looking at the model for the early church in the book of Acts.

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What was church like in the Bible?

Before the apostles started spreading the gospel, “church” attendance in the Bible had more to do with Jewish tradition.

In the Old Testament, holy days, feasts, and gatherings were held in order to remember important events in Jewish history, such as Passover, which commemorates God leading the children of Israel out of Egypt.

These were times of remembrance as well as times of praise and worship to God for all He’d done for them.

In the New Testament, we also read about Jews attending synagogues to be taught by religious leaders.

In fact, Jesus regularly taught in synagogues (Luke 4:16-37; John 6:22-59), as did the apostle Paul (Acts 17:2; Acts 19:8).

Interestingly, synagogue refers both to the gathering of Jewish people as well as to the building in which they met. Synagogues were also places of political gatherings, courts of law, and community centers.¹

But after Jesus’ resurrection, the apostles began to spread the gospel and cultivate churches in various locations. These “churches” weren’t really buildings like synagogues, but they refer more to the early groups of Christians and Jewish Christians and how they treated each other and others.

In the book of Acts, Luke describes the early church and the actions of the early Christians:

“And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers” (Acts 2:42, ESV).

Based on this verse (and the verses that follow it), we can see that for the early Christians, church was about:

• Devoting themselves to the teaching of the apostles about God and Jesus Christ
• Spending time in fellowship with other believers and sharing things with each other as they had need (Acts 2:44-45)
• Sharing meals together
• Praising God through prayer and gratitude

These practices helped strengthen early believers in the gospel, giving them the support, structure, and encouragement they needed to spread the gospel to even more people.

So we can see how the early Christian church has modeled to us that our church, or our faith community, matters.

But is church essential to be a believing Christian? Is it important for salvation?

Let’s find out.

Do I have to go to church to be a Christian?

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No! You don’t have to go to church to be a Christian, and you certainly don’t have to go to church to have a close relationship with Jesus.

In fact, some of the greatest figures of the Bible who were known for their closeness to God didn’t go to church. People like Enoch, Moses, David, and John the Baptist.

But it’s important to remember that these people didn’t necessarily have “church” the way that we know it.

People like Moses, David, and John the Baptist had Jewish traditions, teachings, holy days, and community to create religious and spiritual accountability.

It’s also important to consider how different life was in the ancient world. People simply didn’t have as many things to distract them from spirituality.

Even the people who didn’t worship God worshiped other gods—taking time for spiritual ceremonies, practices, and holy days was a common and important part of life.

So in one way or another, there was some sort of spiritual accountability, even when “going to church” as we know it today didn’t yet exist.

Church attendance isn’t a box to be “checked off” for being a Christian or even for having salvation. In fact, some of the church officials of Jesus’ time, the Pharisees and Sadducees, denied Jesus as Savior and persecuted Him.

That being said, there are reasons churches exist. And there are reasons Jesus encouraged His followers to regularly gather together to support one another and study together.

There are many, many ways church can be so beneficial for us. So let’s explore some of those reasons.

Why might someone choose to go to church?

Christians and Seventh-day Adventists choose regular church attendance for a variety of reasons, including:

• Fellowship and community building
• Spiritual encouragement and support
• New ideas and concepts through Bible study
• Worshipful experiences
• Supporting their local community
• Supporting their global community

Fellowship and community building

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Fellowship is an important concept in the Bible. After all, God created us as social and relational beings!

Gathering together is all about how we love one another, building genuine and generous relationships, just as Jesus did when He was on this earth.

Having a set time and place, like church, for fellowshipping and cultivating this community makes it easier to create and maintain. For Adventists, the Sabbath day is an ideal time to do this.

When we take the time to get to know fellow believers, build trust in each other, and learn to love each other selflessly, we get a great picture of what Heaven is going to be like!

Spiritual encouragement and support

There is a lot in this world to distract us: work, social media, shopping, hobbies, social obligations, and all the tedium of life in general! There are so many things we have to focus on just to keep our heads above water and our households running.

These things, while definitely not bad by themselves, can accidentally take higher priority than our spirituality and relationship with Jesus.

Going to church is a great way to hit “reset” on our priorities. It can remind us that Jesus should be our number one priority, and serving others should come second to that.

Church can also be a great source of spiritual support. Whenever someone is going through hardship or is feeling doubtful, anxious, or angry about something, their church family can be a source of support and encouragement.

The fact is, we need each other. And church helps us make that happen, all under the umbrella of Christ’s love.

New ideas and concepts through Bible study

Our faith community also helps us grow in different ways than if we were going about everything alone.

Ever read through a couple of Bible verses and wished you could discuss it with a group? Or were you ever watching TV, and something in the plot reminded you of a spiritual concept you want to explore further in the Bible?

Well, in church, you have the opportunity to do that!

Many local churches have 60- to 90-minute Bible study sessions before the main church service. Church members, friends, and visitors can get together for more of a small-group style gathering before everyone heads into the sanctuary to worship all together. The Adventist Church calls this time “Sabbath School.”

Some Sabbath School groups follow topics they determine beforehand, others follow a lesson or study guide, and others might go by which questions or topics the group brings up for that week.

Not only is this a great way to gain insight into the Word of God, but it’s also a great way to have spiritual accountability, support, and encouragement on a more personal level.

When we study the Bible together, we can bounce ideas and interpretations off of each other and remain faithful to our commitment to God.

And this insight into the Word of God doesn’t stop at the small groups.

Listening to the sermon during the main worship service can also provide us with new spiritual ideas and concepts. Food for thought that we can “chew on” as we go into the next week.

So while church isn’t a “requirement” for being saved, or even for cultivating a relationship with Jesus, it’s there as an invaluable resource for us. God doesn’t make us take this journey alone! He can guide each of us to a faith community.

Worshipful experiences—with a group!

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In church, we get to listen to Scripture, experience baptism, pray together, and sing praise songs to God.

While you can do many of these things alone, there is something so special about kneeling before God or singing to Him alongside several fellow believers.

And, being a part of voices praising God can be astoundingly beautiful. It can open up your heart to the voice of the Holy Spirit in new ways you might not expect.

Supporting the local community

If going to church was only about sitting in a building with people once a week, then it wouldn’t really be church!

Church is also meant to extend outside of the church walls. When we have a grouping of believers, we can better organize community events to share the freedom of the gospel with others.

A church can also have good access to resources, including food, money, and shelter, that can be used to support those who fall on hard times.

Meeting the needs of the community is important, and having an established church can make it easier to participate in outreach.

Supporting the global community

When we’re a part of a church, especially one with global reach, we also plug ourselves into a worldwide movement. We can be a part of a mission so much bigger than ourselves.

Being a part of a church community is like having family members all around the world. We can learn about and celebrate the diversity of our global family, and also know that we are united in the same mission of sharing the gospel and living out the love of Jesus.

Additionally, organized mission projects share the love of Jesus while also contributing to the infrastructure and health of a given community. These types of projects are usually only possible because of the organization and resources of a church.

So… should I go to church?

If you are on a spiritual journey and would love to find some companionship along the way, a church community could be just the resource you need. Who knows…finding a local church might be one of the best things you do.

There is so much to be gained from sharing in worship with others.

And by following the early church’s example of creating community, sharing food with each other, spreading the gospel, studying the Word, and worshiping together, we can add fulfillment to our lives and broaden our perspectives.

Then it might be helpful to head over to our page that explains what you can expect from attending an Adventist Church. No doubt, there is an Adventist congregation that would love to welcome you.

1. The Bible and Interpretation: Jesus and Early Synagogues [↵]

More Answers

The Beatitudes, found at the beginning of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount in the Gospel of Matthew, are Jesus’ kingdom manifesto. They describe the way His kingdom works and what it means to be one of His followers.

Even though their basic message is relatively simple, the concepts may seem a little backward to you.

Why does Jesus pronounce a blessing on the poor in spirit?

And how could mourning be a good thing?

The Beatitudes stood out to the people of Jesus’ day, too. This is because they show a shocking contrast between worldly values and heavenly behavior.¹ While the world encourages people to pursue wealth and power, the Beatitudes encourage selfless love and humility.

In them, we see God’s will for us to adopt the character of Jesus Christ.

Find out more as we explain:

• What the Beatitudes are and why they matter
• The blessings to …
  • The poor in spirit 
  • Those who mourn
  • The meek
  • Those who hunger and thirst for righteousness
  • The merciful
  • The pure in heart
  • The peacemakers
  • The persecuted
• Practical ways to embrace the Beatitudes in everyday life

Keep reading to get a deeper understanding of these life-changing and hope-giving promises.

What the Beatitudes are (and why they matter)

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The Beatitudes are a list of eight blessings that describe what the kingdom of God is all about. It’s fitting that Jesus gave them during one of His first major sermons, His Sermon on the Mount. It’s recorded in the New Testament in Matthew 5:1–12 (a shorter list is also found in Luke 6:20–23).

On its own, the word beatitude means “a state of blessedness” or “a state of supreme happiness.”²

When you go through the eight Beatitudes, you might find this definition a little strange, considering the Beatitudes mention things like mourning and being poor in spirit.

In fact, the whole sermon likely sounded strange to Jesus’ original audience.

Like many people today, people back then were seeking worldly pursuits, honor, and self-glorification.³

And the Jews Jesus spoke to had a particular interest in power. As a people, they had been enslaved or dominated by other nations many times in their history.⁴ During Jesus’ time, the Romans ruled the Jewish nation, taxing them and mistreating them.⁵

As they suffered, the Jews clung to the Bible’s promise that the Messiah would come and deliver them. They focused on Scriptures that talked about Him being a powerful king and took this to mean He would defeat the Romans for them.⁶

What they failed to understand was that the Messiah wasn’t sent to save them from the Romans—but from their sins.

Jesus understood this mindset. He gave the message of the Beatitudes at the beginning of His ministry so people would know right away what it meant to follow Him.

He wasn’t trying to appeal to their earthly desires. He wanted to give them something greater. He wanted to challenge what they’d been taught and show them why seeking a selfless heart is better than having a selfish one:

• Instead of encouraging their pride, He showed them the blessing of meekness.
• Instead of encouraging them to seek revenge, He showed them the blessing of mercy.
• And instead of encouraging them to dominate others, He showed them the blessing of peace.

The truth is, we are happier when we treat others kindly than when we harbor hate and pride in our hearts.

That’s why the Beatitudes are so important—they teach people how to be true followers of Jesus and how having a Christ-like character will ultimately bless them.

Let’s see what Jesus meant by each one.

An in-depth look at each of the Beatitudes

To take a closer look at each of the Beatitudes and what they mean, we’ll divide them based on who they are addressed to:

• The poor in spirit 
• Those who mourn
• The meek
• Those who hunger for righteousness
• The merciful
• The pure in heart
• The peacemakers
• The persecuted

Blessed are the poor in spirit

The first Beatitude says:

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3, NKJV).

Now, some people take this verse to mean that Jesus will bless those who live in poverty during their earthly lives.

But the fact that it mentions the word spirit suggests that Jesus was addressing a specific kind of poverty—namely, spiritual poverty.

What could spiritual poverty be referring to?

One Bible commentary suggests that it refers to people who are acutely aware of their poor spiritual condition.⁷ In other words, they realize that they are weak and sinful on their own. They’re aware they need Jesus to forgive their sins and empower them to live sin-free lives.

But this doesn’t mean Jesus wants us to dwell on our helplessness.

On the contrary, He wants us to find hope in the fact that He has given His life to save ours. Realizing our need for Jesus is simply the first step in accepting Him and obtaining the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn

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The second Beatitude is:

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4, NKJV).

Like the first Beatitude, this one has two applications.

It can refer to literal mourning and explains the comfort that God gives us in the midst of our sorrow.

However, it can also refer to spiritual mourning.⁸ This condition ties into the previous Beatitude.

Those who decide to follow Jesus realize how harmful sin is and how much they need Him. They might start to mourn when they think about the ways sin has affected the world.⁹ They acknowledge it was sin that brought pain and suffering into the world in the first place.

Above all, they acknowledge that sin is what put their loving Savior to death on the cross.

So when they sin, they are quick to turn back to God and ask for forgiveness. They don’t try to downplay, excuse, or hide their sin. They bare their hearts to God and ask for forgiveness.

Now when this verse talks about mourning, it doesn’t mean Jesus wants us to be depressed or hate ourselves for the sins we commit.

On the contrary, He wants us to find hope and joy in His promise to free us from our sins once and for all. He longs for us to be comforted. But He also wants us to be honest with ourselves about how terrible sin really is because it harms us and others.

Only then can we live a genuinely happy, victorious life.

Blessed are the meek

The third Beatitude is:

“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth” (Matthew 5:5, NKJV).

The word meek simply means to be gentle.

While secular culture teaches us to be forceful, powerful, and demanding, Jesus asks us to be gentle, humble, and selfless (Matthew 11:23–30).

Christian author and Adventist pioneer Ellen White writes about this Beatitude in her book Thoughts from the Mount of Blessing. There, she describes the meek as those who are patient, gentle, and above all, self-denying.¹⁰

Many people might interpret being meek as a sign of weakness, but in reality, it takes a lot more patience and strength to be meek toward others.

And because the meek refuse to make the pursuit of power and possessions their goal, God promises to give them the new earth as their home. Not by their own efforts, but by daily trusting Him.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness

The fourth Beatitude is:

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled” (Matthew 5:6, NKJV).

This Beatitude tells us that those who desire righteousness won’t be left lacking.

Essentially, righteousness is living out God’s law of love (Psalm 119:172; Romans 13:10). And we do this not to earn salvation or to win favor with God but simply to love others as God has loved them.

Instead of trying to separate the concepts of law and love, the Bible talks about how the two ideas work in tandem. In response to God’s love, we obey His law (1 John 4:16), and the law gives us an outlet for spreading that love to others (Romans 13:10).

The desire for righteousness shows maturity in the life of a Christian, too. It demonstrates how we’re drawing closer to God and slowly departing from our old, sinful lives.

God knows we can’t be righteous on our own (and sometimes, we even have a hard time wanting to do the right thing!). But when we ask Him to help us, He will fulfill our longing (Isaiah 41:17–18)!

Through God’s power, we can pursue righteousness and claim all the blessings that come in its train—joy, purpose, peace, and harmony.

Blessed are the merciful

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The fifth Beatitude is:

“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy” (Matthew 5:7, NKJV).

The merciful are people that show forgiveness and kindness even when it isn’t deserved. This means we don’t pursue revenge or try to “get even” when someone hurts us.

Rather, we recognize that God has shown great mercy to us by sending His Son to die in our place and forgiving us of our sins. And we extend that forgiveness to those around us.

In fact, the Bible tells us that we are forgiven as we forgive others (Matthew 6:14).

This passage isn’t encouraging reconciliation with an unsafe person or staying in a harmful relationship.

But by forgiving, we’ll find a burden lifted off of our hearts. We’ll be able to let go of our hate and move forward with the new life Jesus has given us.

Blessed are the pure in heart

The sixth Beatitude is:

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8, NKJV).

This passage commends the pure—those who are uncorrupted, honest, and innocent.

All of these qualities begin in the heart and mind—the source of everything we do (Matthew 15:19).

Thus, the first step to seeking purity isn’t putting away bad influences or vices in our lives (although this is certainly part of the process). It’s about asking Jesus to change our hearts so we can better reflect Him.

Through His Word, He guides us to make better, purer choices. And every time we ask Him for forgiveness, He will remove the record of our sins and the power of sin over us—enabling us to live pure lives.

Sin separates us from God (Isaiah 59:2), but with a pure character from Christ, we’ll be able to see Him!

Blessed are the peacemakers

The seventh Beatitude is:

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God” (Matthew 5:9, NKJV).

This verse explains the value of being a peacemaker, or someone interested in maintaining peace, harmony, and unity. Peacemakers avoid unnecessary conflict and help others get along despite disagreements.

It isn’t necessarily referring to people who stop wars or grand-scale conflicts.

You can be a peacemaker within your family or group of friends.

One major way peacekeepers spread peace is by sharing the ultimate message of hope and mercy—the gospel of peace (Romans 10:15; Ephesians 6:15).

The blessing of the peacemaker is to be called a son (child) of God, which essentially means that peacemakers will be known as followers of Jesus. This is because Jesus Himself, the Son of God, was a peacemaker.

With God’s help, you too can become patient, tactful, and kind—a peacemaker who spreads harmony and unselfish love.

Blessed are those who are persecuted

Here’s the eighth and final Beatitude:

“Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:10, NKJV).

God promises a blessing on those who suffer for their belief in Him.

Now, don’t misunderstand—it’s not that God wants us to suffer. And being persecuted isn’t a sign you’re a better Christian.

Persecution is simply the result of following a pure, honest, and selfless God in a corrupt world.

God understands that following Jesus can bring hardship into our lives. Having gone through persecution Himself, Jesus longs to comfort and reward those who suffer in His name.

The persecuted are blessed for the stand they take for righteousness while they’re alive on earth. More specifically, as the following verse explains, they are blessed for standing up for their faith in Jesus:

“Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you” (Matthew 5:11–12, NKJV).

And this persecution isn’t limited to life-threatening situations, either.

Sometimes we can experience persecution in everyday life: A time when others make you feel uncomfortable to share your faith. Or a time when people at work, home, or school directly challenge your religious liberty.

Even in low-stakes situations, it can be difficult to stand up for our faith. We might fear sticking out or being ridiculed by others.

But God calls us to be true to our faith—even when it’s hard.

And He gives us the assurance that Jesus will soon bring us to heaven where we will never be persecuted again.

Practical ways to embrace the Beatitudes in everyday life

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Jesus didn’t just leave us the Beatitudes for encouragement; He left them to help us understand what it means to follow Him. In living out the Beatitudes now, we’re preparing ourselves to live in His heavenly kingdom.

The Beatitudes invite us to:

• Realize our need for God
• Participate in genuine repentance
• Adopt a meek character
• Pursue righteousness
• Have mercy on others
• Avoid corruption, seeking what is good, pure, and true
• Be peaceful and help others find harmony and unity amid conflict
• Stand up for our beliefs in the face of persecution

Overall, the message that Jesus wants us to come away with is that in order to be prepared for our lives in heaven, we must adopt the characteristics of heavenly citizens while we’re here on earth.

Thankfully, God doesn’t leave us to strive after these characteristics on our own.

He gives us several tools to help us better pursue the Beatitudes:

• The Holy Spirit to guide and convict us
• His Word
• Prayer

Here are some other ideas for growing into this identity:

• Think about ways to incorporate the Beatitudes into your life. (For example, if you struggle with meekness, ask God to give you ways to develop it by serving others.)
• Pray for God to show you sinful behavior and motivations in your life and lean on Him to change your heart. Remember that you can only be changed through His power.
• Find an accountability partner who you can practice the Beatitudes with.
• Recognize that adopting the Beatitudes is a lifelong process.
• Thank God for His great blessings.

In the end, adopting the Beatitudes in everyday life is all about allowing God to renew our minds with His truth (Romans 12:1–2).

It can be difficult, especially given the fact that it goes against our selfish instincts as well as what society teaches us. The Beatitudes challenge us to think about what we can do for others rather than just thinking about ourselves.

But despite the difficulty, this way of thinking will ultimately lead to a better life. The Beatitudes are blessings that lead to receiving:

• The kingdom of heaven
• Comfort
• Inheritance of the earth
• A righteous heart and mind
• Mercy
• The honor of seeing God
• The title of children of God

Overall, these blessings reassure us that even if we’re suffering, or struggling to live a Christ-like life, God will help us overcome. And while not all the blessings of the Beatitudes are immediate, they do remind us that our struggle against sin isn’t for nothing.

God guarantees that we can someday experience the “supreme happiness” of the Beatitudes in Jesus’ kingdom untainted by sin (Revelation 21:4).

Interested in learning more about this kingdom through the teachings of Jesus?

1. Stefanovic, Ranko, “The Meaning and Message of the Beatitudes,” Perspective Digest. [↵]
2. “Beatitude,” https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/beatitude. [↵]
3. White, Ellen G., Thoughts From the Mount of Blessing (Pacific Press Publishing Association), p. 6. [↵]
4. Schochet, Dovie, “Discover the Four Exiles of the Jewish People,” Chabad.org. [↵]
5. Ibid. [↵]
6. “The Identity of Jesus,” BBC. [↵]
7. “The Beatitudes (Matthew 5:1–12),” The Theology of Work Bible Commentary. [↵]
8. Ibid. [↵]
9. Ibid. [↵]
10. White, Ellen G., Thoughts From the Mount of Blessing (Pacific Press Publishing Association), pp.13–17 [↵]

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When we cultivate our relationship with Jesus, the Holy Spirit gives us traits that help us in our day-to-day activities and interactions. These are the fruit of the Spirit.

Think of them this way: Where do apples, blueberries, peaches—or name your favorite fruit—come from?

These delicious fruits grow through different processes, but their origin boils down to one thing: a seed. If that seed is nurtured and cultivated, it will blossom into a tree, bush, or vine and produce the fruit we love—the kind that sends sweet juice dripping down our faces.

The fruits of the Spirit mature from small beginnings too. And the goal is for them to drip from our lives with the flavor of Jesus’ character.

To see how this works practically, let’s get an in-depth look at:

• What the fruits of the Spirit are
• What each fruit means
• Why the fruit of the Spirit is important
• How to develop the fruit of the Spirit in your life

Let’s begin with a definition.

What are the fruits of the Spirit?

The fruits of the Spirit are a metaphor for the results of our relationship with Jesus Christ. Just as fruit results from a growing season, Christians cultivate the following Christ-like traits as we grow with Jesus: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

We can find this list in the New Testament book of Galatians, written by the apostle Paul.

When you hear the concept of the fruit of the Spirit, you might think of a basket of grapes, apples, and bananas.

But Paul wasn’t talking about literal fruit. He was using it as a parallel. The Holy Spirit gives us desirable (sweet) traits that show others we are followers of Christ—just like fruit helps you identify a tree or bush.

Paul contrasts these fruits of the Spirit with the works of the flesh—sinful actions that Jesus would never do or agree with:

“Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God” (Galatians 5:19–21, NKJV).

These actions are like suckers on a fruit tree, sapping energy that would otherwise help the fruit grow. And in the end, these actions are destructive.

If we allow Him, God wants to replace the works of the flesh with the fruit of the Spirit in our lives.

Now, for some more details about the fruit.

What each fruit means

As we saw earlier, Paul talks about nine fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22–23:

• Love
• Joy 
• Peace
• Longsuffering
• Kindness
• Goodness
• Faithfulness
• Gentleness
• Self-Control

We’ll cover each one.

Love

Love is paramount to the Christian experience. God is love (1 John 4:8), and He gives us the ability to love others.

But with so many different types of love and ways to show love, what kind of love is this?

Paul defines this love in the famous “love chapter,” 1 Corinthians 13. Here’s how He describes it:

“Love suffers long [is patient] and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:4–8, NKJV).

God showed us this kind of selfless love by sending His Son Jesus as a Savior—to die on the cross so that we wouldn’t have to bear the consequences of sin and evil (John 3:16).

This love is not only an attribute; it’s an action. And when this fruit of the Spirit is in our lives, we’ll reveal it by our acts of love. Others will see we are followers of Christ.

Joy

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Joy is the expression of happiness and gladness that comes from our relationship with Jesus. It doesn’t change with circumstances, which is why Paul calls us to “rejoice in the Lord, always” (Philippians 4:4, NKJV).

By spending time with Him and obeying His Word, we find a lasting happiness that carries us through difficult times. James 1:2 invites us to have this joy even when we fall into trials.

Why? Because, as Nehemiah 8:10 reminds us, “the joy of the Lord is your strength” (NKJV).

God gives us joy, and that joy, in turn, gives us strength.

Peace

Amid the upheaval and uncertainties of this world, peace can be hard to find. But God wants to give us peace as we look beyond the craziness of life and focus on Him and His purpose (Romans 8:6).

Paul told the Colossians to “let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts” (Colossians 3:15, NKJV).

Yes, we may still feel worried at times about day-to-day things, but we can have a deeper, underlying sense of calm because we know God is in control.

Longsuffering

Commonly called patience, this trait is another hard one to cultivate in today’s world of same-day delivery and instant meals. Patience is the ability to wait longer than you originally planned for something. It’s the ability to help someone learn without getting upset that they aren’t grasping it so quickly. It’s the ability to try again if you fail the first time.

It’s also the ability to trust that God has everything under control, even when a situation doesn’t seem to be turning out the way you hoped or wanted. We often want “microwavable” results when God sees that our situation may need to simmer on the stove for a while.

David, the great Psalmist, wrote these words about patience under wrongdoing:

“Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him; do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; do not fret—it only causes harm” (Psalm 37:7–8, NKJV).

God’s thoughts and plans are sometimes so different from our own (Isaiah 55:8–9). We can’t see behind the scenes as He does, so we don’t know what’s best for us. That’s why He calls us to patiently rest in Him—for the big things and the little everyday things.

Kindness

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Kindness is the core of the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you (Matthew 7:12).

When Jesus was on earth, He exhibited kindness to all the people He met. He was friendly, generous, and concerned for others’ well-being.

As Christians, we follow Ephesians 4:32, which tells us to “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” (NKJV).

As we allow the Holy Spirit to grow this fruit in us, we’ll be able to show others we care about them and let Jesus’ love shine through us.

Goodness

Translated from the Greek word agathosune, goodness is both a condition of the heart and an action. Goodness shows that we are selfless and don’t think just of ourselves.

When we help a young mother with her groceries or fold the laundry for our spouse, that is goodness. Thoughtful acts like this are setting an example, revealing the same goodness Christ had during His ministry.

When we’re good to others, we show wisdom, too. James 3:13 says,

“Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom” (NKJV).

Faithfulness

Faithfulness is a core tenet of the Christian life. The original Greek word is pistis, which means “conviction of the truth.”¹ It’s choosing to believe that God will do what He said.

The Bible describes faith as “the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1, NKJV).

As Christians, we believe in God. Yet we can’t see Him.

That’s where faith comes in.

We believe He is there, watching over us, even though we can’t look Him in the eye, hear His voice, or embrace Him. Every aspect of our relationship with Him, both big and small, is shaped by faith (2 Corinthians 5:7).

Gentleness

Also called meekness, gentleness involves approaching people with sensitivity and tenderness. It softens bad news and soothes the sick or hurting. It even deflects anger:

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1, NKJV).

When you’re gentle, people take note. Through this way of treating others, we are acting as Jesus would. During His ministry, He understood when a situation called for gentleness and sensitivity. He was even gentle towards those who mistreated Him.

He instructs us to adopt the same spirit,

“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:29, NKJV).

Self-control

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Called “temperance” in the King James Version, self-control is the ability to manage our emotions and choose not to give in to desires or temptations.

And sometimes, it might feel like temptations are bombarding us from all directions. We might be tempted to yell at someone bothering us, eat that last donut when we’ve had our fill, or overreact when something happens that we don’t like.

The Bible describes why self-control is so important. Proverbs 16:32 says,

“He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city” (NKJV).

Ruling your spirit means deciding not to do what you are tempted to.

Later on in Proverbs, we read of those who don’t have self-control:

“Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls” (Proverbs 25:28, NKJV).

In those days, a city without walls was vulnerable to enemy attacks.

If we don’t have our own walls of self-control, we likewise will be vulnerable. Whatever the situation, the Holy Spirit wants to help us control our thoughts and follow God’s will rather than our own.

Now that we have dissected each fruit of the spirit, you might wonder why they’re emphasized so much. Let’s take a look.

Why the fruit of the Spirit is important

The fruit of the Spirit is God’s promise that we can have freedom from the power of sin. We don’t have to live chained to every selfish whim and desire because He’s given us the way to victory through the Holy Spirit.

Let’s look at how the context of the book of Galatians shows us this.

Paul wrote to the Galatians, who wrongly believed that Christians had to follow Jewish laws to be saved. He wanted to bring them back to the truth:

Christ was the only one who could save them.

The fifth chapter in Galatians digs deep into this theme. Through Christ’s love, we can have freedom from sin—the works of the flesh we talked about earlier. Even though we will still be tempted to sin, Christ has given us a way to choose victory.

When we accept Him and allow Him to change us, the Holy Spirit gives us the fruit of the Spirit to cultivate in our lives—like little seedlings that begin poking their green heads in the soil. Over time, as we choose God’s help and His ways, the little character traits start to grow, revealing that God dwells within us.

These characteristics in our lives become the evidence that we follow Christ and have allowed Him to change us (Matthew 7:15–20).

And they also become a witness of who Christ is, allowing us to impact people around us day by day.

How to develop the fruit of the Spirit in your life

The fruit of the Spirit is a natural result of choosing a relationship with Jesus each day. Without Him, it’s impossible to have those characteristics. John 15:4–5 reminds us:

“Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, I in him, bears much fruit; for apart from Me you can do nothing” (NKJV).

But how do you “abide”? Or cultivate a relationship with Jesus?

First, it starts with realizing we are sinners and that nothing we do can change the selfish mess we’re in. Only Jesus can forgive and empower us to live new lives (Ephesians 2:8–9).

We can accept His amazing forgiveness, gift of salvation, and power—it might be something as simple as a prayer, inviting Him to take control of your life. And so begins a relationship with Him.

Relationships take time and intentionality. But as you find ways to grow your relationship with Him, He will grow the fruit of the Spirit in your life.

Some ways to get to know Him include reading the Bible, talking to Him regularly, and doing what He loves.

Reading the Bible is so incredibly important to building your relationship with Jesus because it’s His Word—it’s all about who He is and what He wants for us (John 1:1; 2 Timothy 3:16–17).

Communication is vital to any good relationship. Even though we can’t see God, we can talk to Him (through prayer), and He will listen. It doesn’t matter where you pray. Think of Him as a friend and talk to Him like that.

Grow your relationship with Jesus further by doing the things He would do if He were on this earth—serving others. Jesus was always helping people while on earth, and as we help others, we connect with His heart and begin cultivating the same traits in our own lives.

And keep in mind—at times, you may see the ideal and feel like it’s unattainable. But rather than being discouraged, let your lack drive you back to Jesus. Tell Him how you’re struggling and seek to know Him more.

After all, these traits don’t happen by sheer grit and determination—they grow as we allow Jesus to change us through the Holy Spirit.

Here are some changes you may notice.

Worrying less

As we choose to develop the fruit of the Spirit, peace can replace constant worry.

Of course, you know how circumstances can flood you with negative thoughts. It might seem hard not to worry.

It doesn’t have to be that way, though!

If you’re fearful of something that may happen, choose instead to think about all the ways God has blessed you and helped you through past difficult times. Read some Bible verses that address worry, like Psalm 37:7–8. Ask God to place the fruit of the Spirit in you and then believe that He will, even when your emotions protest.

This is an example of faithfulness.

Faith in what Jesus says He will do paves the way for you to give your worries to Him. He replaces them with peace and joy.

Our emotions can easily get away from us when we’re worried. By learning to express them in healthy ways and choosing faith-filled thoughts, we are also displaying self-control.

Putting others above yourself

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Jesus spent His whole life in selfless, poured-out service to others. As the Holy Spirit works in our lives, we can practice this lifestyle, cultivating kindness, goodness, love, and even joy.

It could be as simple as helping an elderly neighbor take their groceries into the house.

Or, you might scrub dishes at your local homeless shelter on your day off instead of doing something you wanted to do.

It could even be something small like letting your spouse or child finish off the last of your favorite chocolate brownies at supper instead of eating it yourself.

Putting others above yourself involves considering their wants or needs and realizing they’re more important than your own.

It’s not because you see it as some kind of exchange—that “I’ll do this, if you do that.” Rather, you help them because you care about them.

It’s a mindset. The more we intentionally help others, the more it will become part of who we are.

Watching what you say

Do you remember a time when someone you love said something that hurt you?

Yeah, that criticism. Or, that put-down.

Unfortunately, negative words often leave deeper imprints on our hearts and minds than positive ones. They’re like scars that never quite go away.

That’s why what we say is so crucial. Choosing words wisely and focusing on uplifting others gives an opportunity for God to reveal the fruit of the Spirit through us.

A coworker might snap at you, but you can take a deep breath and simply say, “Thank you for telling me” or “Thanks; I’ll work on it” instead of snapping back.

If you’re waiting for someone who’s running late because they procrastinated, don’t greet them with an annoyed remark. Say something pleasant instead (and perhaps find an appropriate time to address your concern). This shows patience and gentleness.

And take the time to listen and understand before criticizing and correcting. The situation may not be what you assumed.

These are just a few ways to demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit through your communication. Paul advises us in Ephesians 4:29,

“Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearer” (NKJV).

All about the connection

Bringing the fruit of the Spirit into our lives—even into the trivial, everyday things—can seem hard. At times, it’ll cut sharply across what we want.

But here’s the thing—it often feels hard because we’re gritting our teeth to make it happen.

What if we instead focused on nurturing our relationship with Jesus and turning to Him when we’re struggling to know how to deal with a situation?

As we pivot to Jesus, it helps build a habit and develop the fruits of the Spirit in our lives so that they become second nature. Our hearts will respond to what He wants for us.

And though we may sometimes lose our footing and fall on our faces, Jesus is always there to help us if we ask Him. He doesn’t give up on us. After all, what He most wants is a connection with us.

The fruit of the Spirit is just the natural byproduct.

Ready to go deeper in your relationship with Jesus?

1.  “Pistis Meaning in Bible,” Bible Study Tools. [↵]

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